The Breakout Stars of Lockdown

The world is in serious flux. People are changing habits quickly in a bid to adapt and give any degree of comfort to themselves. Because of this, there are people and things that have broken through our consciousness at just the right time and become stars.

Tabitha Brown

As her bio says, “worlds favourite mom” has really become the world’s favourite mom after her soothing voiceovers of her vegan recipes went viral. She makes so many people want to go vegan because she makes it tasty and easy and she uses a lot of spices. Within the space of a few weeks, her followership went past 1 million, she signed with an acting agency (something she had dreamt of for many years) and started selling merch with some of her most popular phrases and it feels like she’s been here forever.

Little known fact: I love Gerbera daisies and sunflowers! The colors make me so happy!! My baby girl @tyleahbh surprised me with these beauties today!! Thank you Leah!!! Love you!!! Sending out love to all the Mothers today!! #HappyMothersday #tabithabrown

91.7k Likes, 810 Comments - Tabitha Brown/ (@iamtabithabrown) on Instagram: "Little known fact: I love Gerbera daisies and sunflowers! The colors make me so happy!! My baby..."

Hill House Vintage

After a photo of her went viral because someone used it as the reason they deleted their instagram account, lots of people rushed to replace the hate with love and support. This former Elle editor has since featured on everything, including the NY Times!

Quacktails

Obviously going to talk about some local stars-Lagos drinks company quacktails could barely keep up with their cocktail delivery service that came up as a response to lockdown. Proving that people would buy cocktails even in their houses, lots of other cocktail delivery services have sprung up.

OyaNow

Introducing services such as “shop4me” and making it easier for anyone to arrange pick ups and deliveries, oya now, previously a delivery service used mainly by businesses, responded quickly to lockdown. Like almost anything in this country, services kind of fell off after a few weeks- but at the start, they were brilliant!

No Signal

Hate to discuss this people who were serious haters in their Wizkid vs Vybz Kartel battle, but objectivity has to win out regardless. Starting with a few hundred listeners, this radio show asking listeners to vote on track battles between different artistes grew to at its peak, 200k listeners (obviously Nigerians listening to Wizkid). They are now backed by Spotify!

Tory Lanez Quarantine Radio

This set the pace for so many of the instagram live events that started happening later on- a show hosted by Tory Lanez on Instagram live featuring mainly, women twerking. It’s popularity led to many more iterations of instagram live tv.

How much honesty is too much honesty from a friend?

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If you watch Insecure, you know that the central plot of season 4 so far has been the gradual destruction of Issa and Molly’s friendship. One passive aggressive comment at a time, their friendship is getting shredded and we have 5 episodes to find out if it can be fixed.

As the arguments for each side fly back and forth on social media every week, I find myself asking the question- how much honesty is too much honesty in a friendship and is it always kind?

As people make their case for who is wrong (it’s Molly, I refuse to argue)- what is increasingly clear is that the standard of perfection to which friendship is held is an impossible standard. The occasional “harsh truth” tends to be accepted in romantic relationships but can’t seem to be the case for friendship. Is your friendship always positive, with long ways to get to the truth of the matter? basically, are we saints? and do we expect our friends to be saints?

I for one believe that some truths are harsh, not because of the way they are told, but because they are in themselves harsh truths. I don’t feel like there’s ever any reason to hurt your friend on purpose, but I believe that in developing conversational short cuts with your friend, some of those short cuts will hurt. Of course, if your friend hurts you, they should be willing to listen to your perspective, even though the hurt wasn’t their intention.

I don’t know where the line is honestly, I think every friendship needs to define it for itself. I do think if we start to relate to our friends the way we relate to our romantic partners, we might be more willing to forgive and be kinder in understanding where the other person is coming from. A “you can do better” from a friend can sound violent if you’re not ready to hear it, no matter how they say it, but if that’s your friend and they have the best intentions, even the hardest truths can be turned around.

Things I did in my twenties that have contributed to who I am now

Guys, let me tell you something- it is incredibly hard to blog everyday. Wow. Guess what though? I’m doing it! I have been reading a lot more magazines, blogs and digital publications trying to come up with ideas of what to blog about and I read a post where someone wrote about stuff they did in their twenties that they are glad they did and I was like ooooh, won’t it be nice to write about the experiences I loved getting in my twenties.

Everytime I feel down about the fact that I haven’t had one climbing career since I left uni (which yields great life rewards), I think of all the stuff I’ve done and how it’s added up to who I am now.

Working in the industry/Job of my dreams

After I finished uni, I got a masters and sometime in my final year of uni and deep into my masters, I fell in love with fashion. No like, fell IN love. I started fashion blogging, immersing myself in everything fashion - I was obsessed. The first job I wanted to have in fashion was as a buyer- I don’t know that I was exactly sure what a buyer did but I just wanted to be that. I decided to try my hand at styling- literally the first person I tried to style, I was like this isn’t for me! I was unwilling to merge my vision with theirs, which you need to be able to do as a stylist. That’s when I researched more into buying and thought- I don’t know that this is me.

I didn’t have any fashion experience to apply for jobs - I hadn’t even worked in retail in uni (and I worked a lot in uni), so I decided to get a fashion retail job. My interview was shit, it was the lowest pay I had ever had in my life (in fact, I worked two more jobs at the time just to be able to afford my rent)- but I was working in fashion. Let me tell you, retail is rubbish - very long days- a nice dose of racism from my colleagues- pushing credit cards on people- but I learnt so much. I learnt about how people shop and by my second month, I knew exactly what items would go on sale from the moment they hit the shop floor. I also got a nice employee discount and guess what, it gave me the leg in the door I needed to get a graduate fashion role as a merchandiser for one of the biggest fashion retail brands in the world.

I was thrown into that job from day one- flung in. In my second month, one of my colleagues moved back to Sri Lanka and I was given her departments - the responsibility was huge. I LOVED that job. I tried to work weekends (but we weren’t allowed). I came in early so many times, I was on first name basis with the security guards (they were also Nigerian, so there’s that)- I also came in late sometimes, I’m not a saint. I loved that job so much that when I eventually left to move back to Nigeria and go to law school, that was the thing I missed the most. The job taught me so much about so much, but most of all, that it’s possible to LOVE work, even when the pay is shit (but we had a lot of sample sales and discounts).

Living Alone in London

More than the living alone in London was living alone in itself. I think it went a long way in just teaching me emotional independence- how to think and decide for myself without having to rely on the thoughts and feelings of other people. In the time I was living and working in London, most of my friends that I had for a while weren’t there and while I was making new friends, it wasn’t the same. I spent a lot of time just with myself- walking, running, writing, thinking and just examining who I was.

Working as a commercial lawyer

As much as I’ve always known that I don’t want to be a lawyer and my actual place of work was terrible for my mental health, commercial law taught me so many skills- I worked on extremely huge and complicated cases/deals- I sat in on board meetings - I drafted contracts and wrote minutes and learnt how to think in a different way. My writing and editing skills improved dramatically and that was the one job where I got confirmation that I had to write as a career. It also tamped down on some of the wild and wonderful dreams I had about Nigeria when I was moving back, nothing like seeing the black and white reality of how Nigeria works to give you a dose of reality.

Living in Abuja

Lagos people never leave Lagos except it’s to another country. After law school bar 1, instead of moving to Lagos, I decided to stay in Abuja because it just seemed like the better experience, and I’m glad I did. I spent a lot of time in Abuja itself and got to know the town and it was just nice to have a different experience of Nigerians- that’s when I realise that so many people in Lagos have zero social skills and it’s not at all normal.

Selling Products

So for three Eat Drink festivals, I sold drinks and flirted with the idea of doing it as a full on long term gig. The experience was great- there’s something nice about the maths of buying and selling- it was a good experience, but it wasn’t something I wanted to do long term in the end. I also sold fabric for a year or two, which was a pretty good business with decent margins- you learn so much from selling, it’s good experience for anyone to have.

Getting Fat

Like many things we are socialised into, we are also socialised into certain discriminations. This is by no means the first time I’ve been fat- I’ve gained and lost a lot of weight before, but this is the first time I’ve been fat and not hated myself and wow- what a journey it’s been. I wouldn’t have gotten here without gaining weight. Another aspect of this weight gain that has been interesting is seeing firsthand the difference in the treatment of fat vs slim people. It’s actually kind of crazy! And it’s weird that it’s one of those things that society says is in the imaginations of fat people even though it’s clear. I have gained a lot of acceptance and respect for my body as is, than I ever did when I was tiny!

Living at home and spending time with my mum

After I finished law school and moved back to Lagos, was the beginning of the longest amount of time I had ever spent with my mum. She was retired from banking and working as a baker from her home office so we spoke a lot. I had a lot of resentment from childhood hurts and finally shared with her and we worked through it- not perfectly- but it helped me let go. After I quit my job, we spent even more time together- I think that ended up being her favourite part of me quitting. Those years are now everything to me, now that she isn’t here anymore.

Wow, writing this has taken me back to so many things I’ve done, I can’t fit it all here - I’ve done so much writing work and creative work- I started a clothing business and shut that down- made some fantastic friendships that changed my life - got my heart broken- broke hearts and just generally lived totally and completely - I love all these memories and all the different parts of myself! One day, I’ll put it all in a very long memoir.









Being the bigger person is a scam.

You’ve heard it before- don’t stoop down to their level- be the bigger person. What is implied is that being the bigger person somehow has more moral weight even though the smaller person has more real life wins. As usual, oppressed people are taught to hang on to some metaphysical rewards while the oppressors get to enjoy the rewards of oppression. Reject the notion that being the bigger person is in itself a reward, it is not.

We know that women are socialised to be “the bigger person” in all situations in life no matter how terrible, no matter what level of oppression. What we don’t talk about enough is how women that choose to act outside of that moral box are dealt with swiftly - first by shame which we are socialised to fear and when that doesn’t work by direct punishment. A woman that constantly pushes back will be punished. That's something I want you to hold in the back of your mind as you read further.

How then, do you stop being the bigger person, reap the rewards of being the smaller person and also avoid being punished. Simple- by also playing the game. The game changes in every situation, but there’s always a game, learn to find it.

Have you ever heard someone agree with you that they HATE office politics, but then they get promoted and you don’t? They get a bonus and you don’t? you KNOW their work has been terrible lately but somehow in a meeting, your boss gives them a “well done” shoutout. I hate to break it to you, you’ve been taken for a mug and you’ve lost the game by the default of not playing.

I think we waste our time as adults assuming that other adults “don’t know what they are doing”- most of the time, they do. If you find yourself picking up most of the work in a situation where someone else should be sharing it- it’s not by accident, they are leaving it to you. If you find yourself explaining why someone did something bad “again” and they “aren’t like that”- they are, there’s just no benefit to changing.

So I beg you, stop being the bigger person. If you choose to apologise in a situation, don’t do it “to be the bigger person”, do it because you have something to apologise for. If someone keeps leaving you with labour that should be shared, leave it for them too. If someone takes credit for your work, take it back.

Pushback will come with some consequences, but eventually, you will find a new normal that doesn’t rely on you being a doormat on earth to find some reward in heaven.

A Simple Way to Set More Achievable Goals

Why do we always set goals that have nothing to do with who we are and what our lives are like? It frustrates me so much about my self but I’ve gradually stopped setting impossible goals and it’s so transformative to set goals that you can actually achieve.

Here’s the thing, you can do anything. You can achieve anything. What you cannot do is achieve things instantly, except with magic or extreme luck. I think sometimes when you say to someone to tone a goal down, what they hear is “You can’t do that”. I want to assure you that whatever it is, you absolutely can- you just have to be smart about how you proceed.

There are a million ways for you to figure out how to break a goal down, and I want to talk about an easy one and one of my favorites- using an anchor.

An anchor a routine or habit in your life that is unlikely to change quickly. It can change, like anything can- but it’s such a part of your life and routine and it likely won’t change in the beginning stages of setting your goal. So for example, if you have a job with fixed hours and you have to be at your desk at 9am, that’s going to be an anchor for a weekday morning goal. It is with that in mind, that you can start crafting your goal.

Say you want to start working out every weekday morning, rather than allowing your goal setting self to be like “I am going to wake up at 4.30 and work out for 90 minutes”, tap into your anchor. If you usually wake up at 7.30 to get to work on time, it will make more sense to wake up no more than an hour earlier, so it’s not such a dramatic change to your routine- all of a sudden by moving your goal to a 45 minute workout at 6.30, you’re more likely to stick to it.

By starting from your anchor, you also need to focus on the things in place that are already helping you succeed with that. If you get to work on time, what helps you? If you’re already sacrificing sleep for your anchor, will adding a new goal be useful? Or would it be better to figure out a better time or a different goal? So in this case, can the workout be in the evening instead? Can it be weekends instead? Can you start going to bed earlier? Once there is a fixed thing in place first, it’s easy to identify the things that will make it harder for you to achieve your goal.

Your goal cannot be your anchor. I know it’s tempting, but until you establish a routine, you need things to help you establish it, the routine won’t suddenly create itself and it’s the magical thinking that it can that stops so many people from being able to set goals they can achieve!

Let me know if you try this :)

Lockdown Journal- Episode 3

How much honesty is too much honesty in friendship? I’ve been thinking a lot about this since the new season (Season 4) of Insecure started. I think we all recognise that best friends Molly and Issa are not being the kindest to each other at the moment, and sometimes the fictional words cut to real life so deeply- but is it possible for honesty to ALWAYS be kind? Sometimes hard truths are just that- hard. I think we’ve built up friendship to be this place where only the highest positivity is allowed. I think truth should be allowed. I think people should be as kind as they can be, but we should allow each other the grace for hard truths to sound…hard.

I think it’s finally dawning on me that this virus might be around for a long long time. There are things I mentally kept thinking I would get round to in a month or two- as this unlikely to be over in a month or two, I’m finding ways to adapt my thinking to just buckling down and assuming that this has many months left to go.

If you follow me on Instagram, you may have seen this post:

I’ve mentioned before how much I’ve been able to think and how much clarity I’ve gotten from this experience but this was probably the clearest of them all. I think I’ve always been the kind of person to live life as I want it to be rather than how it is. The problem with that is life is going to keep on treating you as is. Maintaining the fantasy of doing whatever I want with no consequence is just silly. I think as human beings, we ascribe the best intentions to ourselves even when reality doesn’t support it. We all think we are objective and non judgmental and good and that’s not the case the majority of the time. If you keep staying “out of the game” because of some sort of self righteousness, you’re always going to lose by default. It’s a balancing act of choosing to maintain what’s MOST important to you and following societal norms for the rest because life is short.

I’ve also realised lately, how much I’ve missed fashion- it used to be one of the biggest parts of my life and it kind of just disappeared. I cannot wait to sink back into that life, it’s so fun!

Okay, back to editing I go!


Reality Shows Before Social Media That Would Never Be Allowed Now

Life before social media was kind of wild. The media had so much power and whatever they said just went. We didn’t have the luxury of weighing options and making choices, we just kind of had to go along with whatever the media said. If we did have a problem, there were limited ways for us to share those thoughts online and of course, with the media having the power, they could just ignore it. Now, we are living in a whole new world where everyone is finally learning right from wrong and waking up from a deep media induced slumber. What I want to do today, is take us back to some of the dark times in tv.

Beauty and the Geek

Picture this- a line of skinny white blonde girls and a line of skinny white guys with glasses paired up to learn from each other and win challenges. The shallow beautiful girls teach the socially awkward virgins how to talk to women and the women learn to also have brains- wild! It went on for a good number of seasons and there was even a UK spinoff.

The Swan

The craziest of all time. “unattractive” women (aka ugly ducklings) would come on the show and be given extensive full body surgery and make overs to finally become “swans”- followed by a pageant where they showed off their full makeovers and one of the women crowned the ultimate swan. The surgeries were extensive and severe. Even as popular as surgery as become, I don’t think the show as it was then, would be accepted today.

Next

Literally, the human version of Tinder where people would go on multiple dates and just shout next if they didn’t like the person. This was one of the times when MTV was just churning out dating shows in all formats possible hoping for something to stick and it was so crazy.

Who wants to marry a millionaire

The bachelor, but if the bachelor is a millionaire (who turned out to be a fraud). It also reminds me of Joe Millionaire (where the women thought Joe was a millionaire but he was actually a construction worker).

There are so many more, like ANTM (which I LOVED but was questionable in hindsight), Tila Tequila (which was a wild mess) , I Wanna Marry Harry (where contestants thought they were competing for Prince Harry’s hand in marriage even though “Prince Harry” was just a red-haired actor). What a wild time it was.

Done Is Better Than Perfect is Not The Way To Live Your Life

Here’s the thing. I understand where “done is better than perfect” comes from. It’s the idea that if there were only two options in the world, one was endlessly procrastinating till something is perfect and one was just making sure it’s complete, the better option would be “do it” vs not do it. I want to start with that because the last time I said this, someone tried to explain what it means to me and like…it’s not rocket science, I just don’t agree.

 All procrastinators are perfectionists. Being a perfectionist isn’t a positive attribute. It doesn’t automatically mean you’re more careful or more organised or have more taste than anyone else- it just means you’re obsessed with an idea of perfection that isn’t real and refuse to accept anything less than that standard. It’s good to want to do things well and it’s good to want to do things properly but that’s really different from being a perfectionist even though I think sometimes people use it to mean the same thing.

I think one of the failings of society is the obsession with easy success stories. “Wow, she just did a sketch on a napkin and now her paintings sell for 50 trillion kajillion poundollars”. Any story of success that’s simple is most likely a lie or not the whole truth- everything has some difficulty if you have to do it consistently. 

 And I’m not saying as a principle, “done is better than perfect” doesn’t have its moments, but I don’t think it’s worth holding on to it so you can motivate yourself to do a 10 minute workout instead of no workout- listen, sometimes, don’t do the workout- sometimes, miss a Monday. What you should be examining is your castle of perfection and why we are replacing something that isn’t desirable with something that’s another extreme. Just “done” mostly doesn’t work. Have you ever worked on a group project with people and then everyone “does” their work but then you have to re-do it?

Have you ever sent rubbish work out to meet a deadline that guess what? Was still rubbish?

I think we should normalise honesty with ourselves and self-praise so we have a healthier standard of behaviour to lean into and a more sustainable way to measure our work. This idea that “omg I really thought it was crap but that ended up being good” is so silly when you think about it. Why did you need to look at it through other people’s eyes to figure out if it was good or bad? It’s this lie that “done is better” relies on. It’s the idea that “done” is better than you think and you won’t know if you keep waiting for perfect. Or that if you keep adding up “tones”, you have no choice but to improve. Both of those ideas are fantasies.

Do things and do them well. Stop setting yourself up to do things that are impossible. Do your little bit very well, add on some more, do it very well and just stay consistent. 

 Perfection is a lie. Effort is where it’s at. 

 Stop aiming for just done and stop aiming to be perfect. Show up for yourself and set things that make you feel good about yourself because I promise you – a series of “dones” doesn’t add up to much in the big scheme of things. 

If you’ve had success with just “done”, please comment!

 

What I've Been Watching Lately

I wonder if this situation is going to change production of tv shows and if there’s going to be more of a shift towards shooting entire seasons at once vs continually throughout the season. I’m still mourning the way New Amsterdam had to end this season and I hope that next season can bridge the gap.

Anyway, thanks to streaming services, there is still a lot of new content. Whether you’ll be able to focus long enough to get through anything is another matter entirely. Here is some stuff I’ve watched recently.

Trying(TV)

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I thought this was based on the book of the same name and plot but apparently, it’s not? It’s about a couple that can’t conceive trying to adopt. It’s a really good watch, showing the growth of a couple and their friends.

Upload (TV)

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Basically, before you die, you can choose to upload your consciousness to another world in the cloud, where you basically get to live forever (as long as you can pay for it). I didn’t expect much from it but it ended up being a fun watch, striking a good balance between funny and thoughtful. Looking forward to another season. This show is on Amazon prime.

Never Have I Ever (TV)

A teenage girl trying to throw herself into school popularity after losing her father. It was a strangely emotional show, that was also fun to watch. It was a different kind of high school tv show and I really enjoyed that.

The Half of It (Movie)

This movie is about a high school girl who gets extra cash by charging to write people’s essays until she’s asked to write a letter instead. It’s a story about friendship, which I loved.

Insecure(TV)

I’m sure you know what Insecure is already. I am loving it this season, especially the analysis and projections that everyone puts on it. Somehow the dynamics in the friendships and relationships are familiar to us all.

The Baker and the Beauty(TV)

I stopped in season 2 to confirm my suspicion that this show was created and written by a man, and I was right. It’s about a man who gets proposed to by his long term girlfriend and after he says no, gets invited out by a billionaire superstar, which begins their love story. And obviously, he’s a baker. The “beauty” and the “baker” are characters that are written exactly as you’d expect- the purest souls in the world who just happen to randomly connect. It’s kind of terrible but there’s a pandemic, so I watch it anyway.

Katy Keene(TV)

This is another one I would have dropped by now if we weren’t in the middle of a pandemic. Katy Keene is trying to make it in fashion in NY and that is my favourite kind of plot, but the whole thing somehow doesn’t connect. The cinematography is dark and kind of yellow, which makes watching it kind of tiring.

The Photograph (Movie)

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This finally came out on digital release and I was happy to finally see it, since I never got to see it in cinema. The plot could have been better developed but it was overall an easy fun watch. I enjoyed Issa’s style and hair- this was the first time I’ve seen her playing a wealthy character and she did not disappoint, that hair was laid! And this clothes fit perfectly.

What have you been watching lately? What do you recommend?

Lockdown Journal- Episode 2

I am over cooking. I’m over baking. I’m over food in general. What started out as the highlight of lockdown has now devolved into something tiring. I don’t want to cook, and I don’t want to eat. My husband started working from home on March 16 and since then we’ve been out three times for less than 30 minutes each time to buy groceries. I’ve been in the house coming up to 2 months and while I feel really grateful that I have the opportunity to stay home, two months of being in the house is…a lot. 

 I’ve baked – two banana loaves, 1 set of carrot cake muffins, 2 sets of banana loaf muffins, 1 set of regular muffins, 1 set of scones, 2 brownies, 1 chocolate cake, 1 ginger loaf, 2 sets of flatbread, one loaf of bread, 4 sets of cookies and that’s just baking. I haven’t even started on cooking. I gave up drinking alcohol after the second or third week with one or two exceptions because drinking at home just stopped being fun. After eating two boxes of snacks, I decided to give up snacking as well- largely because I’m just tired of FOOD!

 I’ve been trying to finish my book edits and I’m telling you; writing is the fun part. Reading back on what you’ve written, especially when it’s a whole book, is hard. Plus, my reading in general has fallen off, it’s hard to get my mind to focus on blocks of text at a time. I feel like my mind is constantly racing and I’m finding it hard to keep up, sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night to pee and I’m in the middle of some thought and I’m thinking, why am I thinking right now?

Final Cut Pro is free for three months (google Final Cut Pro free trial). Video editing has never seemed like my jam, but when something that’s usually expensive is free for a good length of time, it feels foolish to pass it up, so I’ve added learning how to edit with Final Cut Pro into my rolodex.

I didn’t think I could realise things further after spending a year in the deep realisation of things pre-lockdown, but lockdown is really surprising me and I am indeed, realising things. I have worked through things that I have been trying to work through for years, in weeks. What’s that about? It feels random and temporary because is it possible for things to just click in your brain in weeks when they haven’t clicked for years?

 I am definitely not bored, so that’s great. I am trying to maintain a routine and eat like an adult (more fruit, more veg, more protein). Some days are better than others. I am researching articles I have been meaning to write for years and showering every day. Somehow, I have been seeing that my work has more value than I have ever been willing to admit. I have grown past doing things half-heartedly. I either do them properly, or I don’t do them at all. When I choose not to do them, I’m kind to myself and I’m not trapped in guilt about it. Kindness to myself has allowed me to be kinder to others, and in being kinder to others, I’m able to self-reflect through their eyes. 

In areas where I have balked in the past at taking criticism, I am not more willing to understand where it comes from. I know exactly what my goal is for everything I’m doing. I know for me, this space is to build my community and I’m so excited about every comment, every DM, every @, every email. It means everything when people give feedback, and it tells me that I’m closer to the community of my dreams, one that isn’t just between me and you, but all of us together. 

Look at me on day 4 guy! Are you enjoying the daily blog posts? I know I am! What do you think? Can we go a bit longer on these posts?

 

A Case for Jealousy

Jealousy. It gets a bad rep. If I was Jealousy, I would hire a PR agency and overhaul my reputation, you know like when people started saying “I’m so jel”.

I’m using Jealousy to cover both Jealousy and envy. I think the popular distinction is that jealousy is fear of someone taking something that you have and envy is wanting what someone else has. Both are frequently used interchangeably so I don’t want to worry too much about semantics.

Raise your hands if you’ve ever said “I’m not a jealous person”. Like many other things in life, Jealousy has been reduced to the feeling you have about your romantic partner’s relationship with someone else. It is also used a lot in Nigerian films to set the tone for someone to poison someone else. Basically, it’s the basis of a lot of negative actions.

I think this is unfair. We’ve used the extreme to define the entire emotion, when an extreme of any emotion is negative. At it’s core, jealousy points to something you want, or something you wish you had. That in itself isn’t negative, it can be a catalyst to work on dealing with that desire, because you more than likely didn’t know it existed.

Say you’ve been trying to decide what to do for a career and you still feel like “I have no talents or interests” and then you find yourself repeatedly feeling envious of people with careers in accounting, you should look into that. Say you find yourself jealous everytime your partner is laughing a lot in conversation with someone else, then you probably feel like they don’t find you funny and it bothers you. Jealousy is an emotion, and like most emotions, there’s a source. It becomes negative when you ignore it or pretend it doesn’t exist. You miss your chance to really confront whatever it has shown you.

We all feel jealous or envious- every one of us- even the people that say “I’m always content and I never care about what anyone else has or may be doing”- be that as it may- we all feel the emotion. If you accept that it’s natural, you will become more attuned to whatever it’s showing you. My jealousy has always shown me my deeper desires and forced me to confront it. Absence of jealousy always shows me what I don’t want- it also shows that I’m secure in that area of my life.

I hope I have convinced and not confused you that jealousy as an emotion isn’t necessarily bad.

The Five Books I Read in April 2020

I’m surprised I even read 5 books in April- honestly, it felt more like 2. There was a night I woke up at 2am and couldn’t get back to sleep at 5am and I just read and that was the most focused reading I did the whole month. I don’t know what it is about daytime reading that’s so distracting in a way that it isn’t at night? That’s something to think about another day!

Any books purchased through affiliate links may earn me a small commission and will not affect the price of your purchase.

It’s Not all Downhill From Here- Terry McMillan

Terry McMillan of Waiting to Exhale and How Stella Got Her Groove back fame came out with a new book and even though I hadn’t actually read any of the 11 or so books she has, I jumped at this one. First of all, I don’t think I’m the correct audience for the book- she’s 68 and writing about 68 year olds living their best lives! But it was an easy read and I enjoyed getting a different perspective.

New Waves-Kevin Nguyen

This is a book about two unlikely friends in tech who steal data from the company they work for. When one of them dies, the other is faced with the reality that he didn’t really know his friend.

This is one of those books where the book is the prose and the plot is secondary. If you’ve read Sally Rooney for example, it’s the same sort of “day to day” writing style. It was alright, another easy read, but if you like plots more than prose, this isn’t for you.

Anna K: A Love Story- Jenny Lee

Only after I finished this, did I realise it was a retelling of Anna Karenina (which I never read). It’s kind of in that crazy rich asian style- wealthy teenagers and their antics. It was entertaining at times, but sometimes I skipped over the detailed descriptions of expensive things. Some parts of the story made absolutely no sense to me, but I guess the fact that it’s a retelling puts it in context and some storylines had to bend to fit the original story.

The Switch- Beth O’Leary

I really enjoyed Beth O’ Leary’s debut so I was excited to read this and I wasn’t disappointed. It’s the story of a burnt out consultant living in London and dealing with the grief of losing her sister and her grandma who is finding her stride after a divorce deciding to switch places for a month. It’s very wholesome and enjoyable, with the grandma bring the London neighbours closer together and rediscovering parts of herself and the consultant finally dealing with the grief of losing her sister.

Clap when you Land- Elizabeth Acevedo

After a plane crash, the secret of a man having two families is out and the families have to deal with his secret.

For some reason, because of the way it was written in verse, it was very hard for me to get into. The book is told from the perspective of his two daughters and I kept losing which daughter was which, I don’t think their voices were distinctive enough, at least at the beginning. It was good, but I didn’t leave it feeling like I really knew any of the characters.

Is this a Lockdown Journal or a goals update post? Let's call it a Lockdown Journal- Number One

May! Isn’t it crazy how time passes no matter what else is going on? When I was looking forward to this year in December and setting my goals in January, I could never have seen this pandemic coming- no-one could have. Now, it feels like we’ve been here forever with no real end in sight. When this started, I wrote some posts that I thought would be helpful like a pandemic shopping list, dealing with anxiety and maintaining productivity. As time started to pass, living day to day became easier mentally. One thing I wanted to do was journal, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it (I still haven’t started journalling even though I’ve put aside a brand new notebook for the cause).

As April ended, I started to look through my old journals starting from 2013 and one thing that struck me was how easy it is to carry the same goals for so long without realising it. I did this at the start of the year but in light of recent times, I felt the need to revisit. I came away feeling like goals are temporary and flexible things. Life isn’t guaranteed, so there’s no point constantly looking ahead to a hypothetical future at the detriment of the present. I decided to take on the goals that were still relevant and get rid of the ones that weren’t. I can always come back to them if they are useful in the future, but anything I can’t work towards now has been tossed out.

So goal update- If you are a frequent blog reader, you’d know that I set out a list of goals for the year in January and gave a February update. Now, I’m going to revisit those goals and talk about new goals going forward.

Health And Fitness

Over the years, I’ve had so many “fitness goals” that boiled down to one thing- lose weight. For the first time in my life, I’m going to do something that feels insane to me- not diet- at all- not once this whole year. I’ve gone on 100s of diets since I was a teenager and it’s just not something I’m interested in doing anymore. So my goals for health and fitness are really about health and fitness for a change and not an euphemism for weight loss.

I’m glad that I’m mentally still in this space where I’m chasing holistic goals.

Run a 10k and a half marathon- cancelled.

Walking – I’ve started doing Leslie Sansone walking workouts. I feel like I’m 30 years older when I do them but they are fun and a way to keep walking without going outside.

Learn how to do a push up- cancelled.

Get a full health work up- This pandemic has shown just how important this is and I can’t wait to get this done as soon as I can when outside opens up again

Eat more protein- this is such a daily struggle, as I type this, the new protein powder I ordered is on its way.

Career

I think I’ve always underestimated how much of my life I actually control and continually waited for outside feedback, but this is an area I’m taking more control over.

Love

Work on giving with no expectations- I’m getting better at this for sure.

Grow stronger friendship and family bonds- I think I’ve definitely stopped chasing ideas of relationships and started focusing more on developing the relationships I have.

Give gifts- bruh I should surprise someone with lunch or something.

Say Yes To Attending Things

There’s nothing to attend, stay indoors!

Get Rid Of As Much Clutter As I Can

I’m just choosing to be kind and patient with myself in this area because hmmm.

The Present

Okay so that brings us here to May 2020, in line with the new realities of life. One thing I saw that I wanted to do in an old journal is a year of monthly challenges. I think monthly challenges are good because they interrupt the voice that tells you that you should stop what you’re doing and try something else. For people that have problems with follow through, this tends to be the problem. For example, you decide to walk everyday for an hour and on day 9, you’re like “hmm this is boring, why don’t I try running 5km everyday instead”. It means that you never commit to anything and never really have a “finished product”. Monthly challenges are good because you usually get past the phase where you want to give in to your whims and can set you on the path to consistency.

I’m starting this month with three main challenges. Now, the reason I’m doing 3 is because I’ve already been consistent with two of the three goals for a while and I want to continue.

drumroll please

The three challenges are

  1. Blogging everyday

  2. 18:6 Intermittent fasting

  3. Leslie Sansone walking workout

I’ve set myself the challenge to blog everyday lots of times but I’ve never once actually done it. The closest I came was late last year and it set me on a path of fairly consistent blogging. This time, I believe I’m in the head space to follow through and I’m looking forward to doing it! I hope you’re excited too :)

I’ve been intermittent fasting for a while- starting from 13:11 and kind of working my way up. I was always reluctant to commit to a set time frame because I didn’t want it to get extreme but after a while, I decided to just do it. Now, doing it as a 31 day challenge is going to take it even further and I’m kind of excited about that.

Leslie Sansone walking workout - walking is the low impact home workout of my dreams and I would like to commit to it. I think if you’re home all day, it’s important to commit to moving your body everyday for part of the day and this is the way I’m choosing to do it. It might sound excessive to work out everyday but that’s why it’s a challenge, no?

I really wanted to say so much more, but this post is over 1000 words long now, so I’ll save some words for the remaining 30 days of the challenge.

Let me know how you guys have started thinking of goals going forward

Also, follow me on socials! Instagram and twitter.




The Nine Books I Read in March 2020

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Blitzed- Alexa Martin

This is a book that had been on my TBR for a long time after reading Alexa Martin’s first two books. She writes books in the football (American) universe, so characters are usually a football player and a woman. This followed the same format in that regards. The man was a footballer and the woman was a bar owner in the same ecosystem as the characters in the first two books. I really found it hard to get engaged because the story wasn’t very engaging to me, especially compared to the first two books (and particularly the first). I didn’t buy into the love story and the male protagonist raised a lot of red flags that were brushed under the carpet and maybe I’m just too old to find stuff like that romantic. The story just dragged and dragged and it felt a bit like it was written because it had to be? Not like the author really connected with the story. There’s a new instalment coming later this year and I’m still going to read it because, black love.

Some of the links are affiliate- if you purchase using the links, it won’t affect your shopping experience, but I may earn a small commission.

sick bay

Sick Bay- Nova Weetman

This book is about two girls who often end up in the school sick bay and become friends. It’s a middle grade book and it’s really cute, even when dealing with some weighty issues. It’s also one of the few times i’ve read an Australian author.

Tiffany sly lives here

Tiffany Sly Lives Here Now- Dana L. Davis

I read this during the peak of my covid anxiety and managed to stay engaged. Tiffany has to go and live with her dad that she finds out about after her mum dies. Just before she leaves, another man shows up that could also be her dad. Before she can find out for sure in a week, she has to try and settle into a new life that may or may not be permanent. I’m often not a fan of books set in a rigid time frame as the plot can get long winded, but this really worked. The characters were flawed and interesting and it was really engaging. Recommend!

the unhoneymooners

The Unhoneymooners- Christina Lauren

This is one I had in my library for ages and finally decided to read and I’m glad because it was really fun. When A bride and groom are unable to go on their honeymoon, her twin sister and his brother have to step in to take their place. They spend the honeymoon falling in love until (obviously) disaster strikes. You have to read the rest in the story.

when you were everything

When You Were Everything- Ashley Woodfolk

This is a book that details the end of a friendship going between now and then. It reminds me a lot of one of my top books from last year, but is also a great book in it’s own right. I love books about friendships ending because it’s always so subtle and complex. Sigh.

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Last Couple Standing- Matthew Norman

When three couples in a four couple friendship group get divorced, the last couple is feeling the pressure and decide to open their relationship in order to save it. What could go wrong? I really enjoyed this one because it looked at marriage, relationships and ageing in a realistic way, but it all wasn’t too heavy. I really enjoyed it.

the nearness of you

The Nearness of You- Sareeta Domingo

This really annoyed me to be honest. I only bought it because a really big book club recommended it as like a MUST READ and was like “if you love Cameron and Lauren’s relationship, you’ll love this”. Firstly, I don’t care about Cameron and Lauren’s relationship one way or the other but I bring it up to say that it is NOTHING like Cameron and Lauren’s relationship and secondly, Cameron and Lauren are the most successful couple from Love is Blind. This is a book about a women who meets a man briefly in a cinema and then some amount of time later, he turns up as her best friend’s boyfriend and then roommate. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure that they fall in love (obviously while trying not to cross any lines). Lol. Yeah, no.

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Good-bye, Perfect

When Eden’s best friend runs away with her boyfriend, who turns out to be a teacher, she keeps her secret. As police get involved and parents get more and more worried, she starts to wonder if she made the right call. The book focuses on Eden protecting her friend, rather than the relationship between teacher and minor which I think made the plot stronger. Really good read.

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My Dark Vanessa- Kate Elizabeth Russell

This is really hard to review. It’s a fictional book about a girl who gets into a relationship with her teacher when she’s 15 (aka is groomed and molested) and then is forced to question that relationship in her 30s when it surfaces that he did it to someone else. Abuse is a very hard subject to write about especially in fiction and I don’t know how successful this was in doing that, which for me feels hard to say because it’s such a weighty subject but it’s also fiction. I have to ask myself, what was the author’s intention? Because I don’t know. It left me with a taste in my mouth, I can’t explain it. I don’t feel like the main character was written as a whole person but maybe that was the author’s intention.

JUST BECAUSE THE WORLD IS DIFFERENT DOESN'T MEAN IT'S ENDING OR IT'S OKAY TO BE PRODUCTIVE DURING A PANDEMIC

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Here’s the thing.

The world will tell you that it’s okay to take a break- it’s okay to not achieve anything during this pandemic and all that other stuff, guess what?

 There’s a difference between what should and what is. 

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I think the more there has been a move towards some level of vulnerability and transparency, what we lose is the honesty that as much as we may want to exist in ideal versions of events, real life will always win. 

Real life measures you and judges you off your productivity. You have to care about yourself enough to not let those judgments define you but you cannot pretend they don’t exist. I have tried to live in the idea that being me exactly how I want to be doesn’t come with consequences, but it does.

 If all your self care does is makes it harder for you to return to a real life, is it self care?

And I don’t say this as tough love. This is not me yelling at you to not spend the whole day in bed. You can if you want to. This is about weighing up all the information available and doing what works best for you. Your life is not a meme or an Instagram post. Truth doesn’t fit neatly in 280 characters. It’s messier and more complex than that. You know that. Therefore, you know that this time isn’t just going to exist and disappear.

I’m inspired to write this because I have seen one too many judgments of people still maintaining fitness or work routines. I have to admit, at the start I was in that camp, reposting images of “it’s okay if you don’t write a bestseller” etc. I still agree that you don’t have to write a bestseller, because for most people that would still be a privilege to do at a time like this, because people are still having to work, to parent, to care for family members. Domestic abuse is on the rise, people are losing their jobs and there’s a lot of people dealing with quite hefty consequences of this pandemic. Working out, or doing a hobby you like, or writing, or cooking or doing a course you’ve been wanting to do, those are privileged things. Do them if you can. If cooking more at home means you’re able to eat less processed food, this is a great time. I think sometimes, we are so conditioned to think that anything productive is automatically bad. What is bad is feeling like your life doesn’t have value beyond pointless productivity and maybe this is the time for you to be productive in ways that you can define for yourself, in ways that aren’t tied to making money.

It’s okay to do what works for you.

Here's Where To Listen To My Latest Podcast Episode

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I’m sure someone reading this had no idea before right now, that I have a podcast! Surprise! I haven’t quite gotten into the flow of recording and releasing and getting used to me just droning on for a lot of minutes, so it’s not the hallmark of consistency at the moment. However, some people reached out to me after I wrote 30 Things I Learnt From 30 asking if I could expand on each point and it just seemed more appropriate as a podcast (truthfully, it seemed more appropriate as a video but baby steps).

My podcast is called Plenty Spoilers because I was initially just going to review stuff in detail. I changed my mind about that but I kept the name, because you know, it’s still spoilers, just like, about my life instead of fiction (also, sometimes about fiction).

It’s available practically everywhere podcasts are available, but for an accurate list, go here.

Self made - a C.J Walker story or a story of how the more things change, the more things stay the same

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As I watched Octavia Butler’s amazing acting, some things started to occur to me. Why is this story, set in 1913 still so relevant 100 years later? Here are some of my observations

(I know Netflix took some liberties with the script and the series isn’t a completely accurate picture of everything that happened)

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Dark skinned women have always been expected to stay in their place- I don’t know if I even need to explain this further, but we see this even now, how people are constantly threatened by the confidence of dark skinned women. Almost like if people don’t give you the permission to be confident, you’re not allowed to be that on your own. It’s exhausting now and was obviously exhausting enough in 1900.

Black men don’t see their liberation as equal to black women- in the series, there’s a scene where the head of the NAACP is saying that black men have to be liberated first before women and there still is that energy now, where women are still largely fighting for themselves and black men still see their own liberation as the most important part of black liberation.

Women moved women forward and still do- following on from the previous point, women are still largely responsible for moving women forward, contrary to popular belief. In the series, both Sarah Walker and Addie Munroe (who didn’t exist as Addie Munroe in real life) created thousands of jobs for women and empowered thousands of women through their businesses.

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When the husband is the support, he wants the credit - in the series, Sarah’s husband gets upset when she refers to him as “doing the graphics” in a meeting. What he wants is equal recognition and to be seen as a joint partner and that’s still very common. In so many businesses owned by men, their female partners make enough contributions to be recognised as equal, and are still recognised as so. Men are excellent of not just being recognised for the labour of their female partners, but often even overshadowing said partners. Very rarely, do you see women fighting for credit of their partners business, but men dont even ask for credit, they just take it.

Find your lane- jealousy slows you down- in the series, Addie spends her whole career shadowing Sarah and trying to beat her. This doesn’t always happen in the caricature way it’s shown, but it happens often enough. Someone questioning how come their friend has more YouTube followers, how come they’ve gotten promoted at work? How come people listen to what they say on Instagram? Focusing on someone else’s path is a distraction and is pointless

Expectations on light skin beauty- everyone loses in colorism, even though each side would argue differently.

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How much men feel entitled to women’s time- in the series, C.J fights with Sarah over how much she works and while that is an argument that can be flipped, it’s often an argument from this point of view. Lots of recent studies have shown that gender roles are actually regressing and although men often think of themselves as progressive, they are only progressive as long as it doesn’t actually affect them. So your wife can work and it’s great until she doesn’t cook or isn’t home when you are or works all the time. It’s fascinating that men with families can still live spontaneous lives and be flexible for work because their female partners will invariable take on more of the inflexible roles and compromise their own success. We have men that laugh at gender arguments on social media get offended that their wife doesn’t cook or clean enough, wants to outsource care of the baby, has spontaneous plans. It’s just so fascinating how little progress we’ve made in that regard.

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I think there’s a tendency of people living in the present to romanticise the present and imagine that as bad as it is, it’s better than before. That’s not always the case at all, especially when it comes to human relations. Technology and medicine move faster than the development of gender roles and wow, it is exhausting.

Why Don't Men Touch Each Other?

The new season of Black Mirror opens slow. There’s a club scene. There’s a couple and a friend who we’ve established is also their roommate. Having watched the last few seasons of black mirror, I waited to see what would happen- Were they suspended in some other reality? Was someone secretly a holograph?

All they did was dance and go home to have steamy sex (we know it was steamy because it wasn't in a bed) and then the guys stayed up all night playing a video game.

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Now they are in the future and girlfriend is now wife with a much better weave, she looks hot tbh. Husband still looks terrible with his bad haircut, but now he’s also wearing daddy clothes and grilling meat and looking at the butt crack of one of the guests. He’s also 38. Hilarious because 38 is really not that old, but Hollywood likes to play like it’s 60. He tries to talk to other dads but it just doesn’t click. It is exactly the way Hollywood likes to portray marriage, deeply boring and unsatisfying. Friend shows up with a better haircut and has an awkward conversation with husband and gives him his gift- a reboot of the game they played so lovingly together all those years ago. They loosen up and start to talk about waxing balls- haha?

By now, we are basically 15 minutes in with no technology. The first sign of futuristic technology is a voice controlled dishwasher.

Husband and Friend are in that moment, in their separate lives, uninspired by their sex lives. Husband is playing online Tetris when he gets an invitation from Friend to play. They start their fighting game as the same characters they always used to pick but this time the game is enhanced by VR and real life touch. After enjoying testing out the feeling of punches, Friend (a female character) kisses Husband (a male character) in the game. Although Friend makes the first move, as he’s clearly wanted to the whole game, Husband throws himself into the kiss, until guilt breaks him away and he exits the game with a real life boner that he takes to bed to his real life wife.

The next night, Husband starts the game with the disclaimer “I can’t play long, I was drunk last time” insert side eye emoji Friend is like “oh sure, same”. It’s the language of people who are about to engage in something they shouldn’t. This time, there’s no hesitation, they get right to it. Afterwards, they talk about if it’s a gay thing, “it doesn't feel gay” Husband says before his son kicks him in real life and he has to exit the game. When his wife comes home, he pretends to be asleep, is it guilt or avoidance or a little bit of both.

Now that Pandora’s box has been open, they are having virtual sex every night and their real lives are consumed too. Husband can’t get it up for his wife, Friend can’t finish with his girlfriend. This isn’t just some virtual tryst they are having. After putting on virtual clothes post virtual sex, they lay down and they talk. Friend describes having sex in a female body as “the whole damn orchestra”. Husband and Wife go out for dinner on their wedding anniversary and Wife cries as she asks why he doesn’t want her anymore.

“I tried fucking their computer controlled characters, it’s bullshit, it’s like a rubber doll, they are not programmed for any sex stuff, they just sort of lie there”

The guilt sets in and he gives up the game. Friend is going crazy and refuses to let go. He tries to negotiate with Husband- “its not cheating”, “its not real” “its like porn”, what about if we only do it on the first Sunday of each month. Husband has made up his mind and refuses to negotiate. Husband is now back to bonding with his family and Friend is going crazy, until Wife invites Friend for dinner, and Husband’s avoidance tactics have to come to an end.

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As they virtual kissed post the most intense virtual sex they had ever had, Friend whispered “I love you.”

you’re feeling it too, just say it

Husband angrily suggests that they should meet up in real life and he suggests that they kiss. They give each other a dry peck and feel nothing.

As far as I’m concerned, the idea that they would meet up, peck and know there are no sparks is bullshit. Sparks are funny, intimacy is funny, it doesn’t always respond to that kind of pressure/expectation. Haven’t you ever had a crush and the first kiss was meh, because there was all this build up to it, but then the like 4th kiss ends up being magical.

I know a big question in this episode that even the characters asked themselves was “is it a gay thing?’ . First, I think very rarely are people either gay or straight. Second, I feel like male friendship is such an interesting thing, there’s so much closeness without the intimacy and I feel like in this show, they were able to examine that intimacy in albeit an extreme way. For women, that intimacy might have been explored over time by holding hands and hugging and drunken I love you kisses- physical contact in a way men don’t have in their friendships. That also probably has something to do with friend feeling more relaxed and comfortable in his semi-virtual female self. When you’re an anxious person, it makes sense to continually look for ways to escape yourself. This is the perfect form of escape. You’re you, but you’re not you. In a way, developing a societally acceptable closeness with your friend in a semi-virtual world where you can both just be is an addictive idea.

Things About Nigerian Boarding School That Made No Sense

The absolute first thing that made no sense about boarding school was that I went when I was NINE years old. NINE! I look at nine year olds now and they are BABIES. I felt “grown up” enough to g though. When I left 3 years later (because I was always sick), I begged to stay.

Now, looking back at it, I’m like what the hell? So many things about boarding school made no sense.

Why did we have to wake up so early?

In the “real” world, school is so early because parents go to work and school time needs to align with work time. In a “fake” world in the middle of nowhere, where the teachers had houses in the school, we shouldn’t have had to wake up at the crack of dawn. We used to start class before 8 and have two classes BEFORE breakfast?! What was the need for that?

Why were our showers cold?

I honestly think this is a violation of some kind of children's rights. We were in a village that was cold at nights and mornings and we used to wake up and have freezing showers. Why couldn’t we have hot water? People used to do really dangerous things like pour water over a hot iron, just to get hot water. It’s kind of amazing that we made it out alive.

Why didn’t we always have running water?

Why was “fetching water” a part of the boarding school experience? Why couldn’t we just always have water? If you’re responsible for 600 students, running water is like the bare minimum, I would imagine. It’s unbelievable to me now that we didn’t always have water.

Why were chores punishment?

I remember one time when like a lot of us had to wash gutters as punishment. Can’t even remember what we were being punished for but isn’t it someone’s job to wash gutters? Why on earth are we doing this as a punishment? Why did we ever cut grass? What was all this supposed to be teaching us?

I think ultimately, there was this pretence that we were somehow gathering life lessons in these harsh things, when in reality, there were much better ways to teach these things.

I loved boarding school though and there were way more good things than bad things and I still remember how gutted I was that I had to leave.

What was your boarding school experience like?

How to shop for a pandemic (includes free downloadable pdf)

bulk shopping

Shit is getting real. As the world slowly shuts down and we start to practice self-isolation and social distancing, shopping in bulk is something that everyone has to come to grips with. For many of us, we may have lived in a house of bulk shopping, but never had to do it in our adult lives.

When I think of shopping for a pandemic, I think of the worst case scenario. What happens if there’s no light or you don’t have a source of water. The goal is to have options that don’t rely on anything else and to have the bare essentials and some extras.

Food

You still want to try and eat as nutritiously as you can. If you have a lot of freezer space, you can buy things to freeze. If you don't , this is where cans and cupboards come in handy. Even if you have freezer space, imagine that there will come a time with no light, so you have to have can and dried food. Think of how many people live in the house and how long you want to shop for, then multiply each item. Me and my husband used a two week shopping list as a base and calculated things based on what we already know about our usage. For water, the recommendation is 3 litres per person per day. For me that is 84 litres of water, which is 4 dispenser bottles. Apply that mindset to your whole shop. This is a non-vegetarian/vegan list.

Freezer

Meat/ Alternate protein source

Vegatables

Canned Goods

Canned Fish

Canned vegatebles

Canned fruits

Beans

Chickpeas

Cupboard foods

Rice

Beans

Pasta

Garri

Ketchup and hot sauce

Peanut butter

Nuts

Seeds

Tea

Coffee

Powdered/evaporated milk/ shelf stable milk

Shelf stable drinks that don’t need to be refrigerated and have a long shelf life

Water

Fridge

Yoghurt

Fruit and vegetables

Cleaning Products and Toiletries

Multipurpose bleach based cleaner

Sponges

Dish washing liquid

Wipes

Soap

Toilet roll

Kitchen roll

First aid

Multivitamin

Vitamin c

Paracetamol

Bandages

Plasters

Antiseptic wipes/solution

Other Essentials

Powerbanks

Torch light'/rechargeable lamps

batteries

candles

how to shop for a pandemic what Dami did