My mum pushed me to the edge of my creativity by making me draw freehand on cakes. I drew so many groovy chick characters that I basically invented my own groovy chick characters. I hand painted wedding cakes, I invented new characters for cupcakes- once I even drew 50 cents on a cake. In retrospect, it’s easy to gather all the signs of acceptance and paint a picture for yourself but at the time, I wanted the movie kind- the YOU ARE MY CHILD LETS TAKE YOU TO ART SCHOOL KIND.
I think the thing that hurts the most, even though everything hurts, is that as I grow older and can understand so many things so much better, she won’t be here. As I teach myself to be more overt in showing affection, I can’t do the same to her.
My mum was the kindest, most thoughtful person ever, but she was so socially awkward. I don’t think we think of parents as being awkward people or people with anxiety or as anything other than people that should be perfect, and I think that’s such a shame. She was a terrible hugger, like she would slap your back awkwardly, I think I inherited that. She wasn’t one to really say “I love you” or “I miss you” but she knew every single friend I had, we talked about all sorts of random stuff, she would buy something if she knew you were interested, if I needed someone to help me find some niche thing, she was there. I always used to be so upset that she wasn’t anticipating my needs that I was overlooking that she was listening when I asked.
My mum was on twitter and Instagram all day everyday, but she got upset with me for not doing her social media management for her brand. I was like muuum you’re on Instagram more than me!
She worked long hours for so many years, most of her life really- often having to reschedule vacations or cut them short because of work. When she finally left the corporate world, I had never seen her happier. She indulged in so many of her hobbies like talking on the phone from 5am (I promise you, you’ve never seen someone talk on the phone more), going to the market (legit, how can going to the market be a hobby), she made so many new friends, spent a lot of time on social media, walked a lot, spent more time with everyone and tried all sorts of new meals. Her vacations weren’t cut short by work and she was like a million times happier. She also got her make-up done sooooo much, she got so good at it too. Apparently, when she was younger, her nick name was “in vogue.”
I think everyone enjoyed events more when my mum was there because you got to go, and then you got to experience it again through her own re-telling. Whenever she went somewhere I didn’t go, I would ask her questions about it for months and get a new piece of information each time, which I would relay on Sunday family day to everyone so that she could tell the story again. When I was with her, I would argue my own point of view vs hers.
My mum liked to say she wasn’t a feminist. But she only liked to say it to rile me and my sister up. She was my biggest example of standing up for yourself and having your own life. She tried so many things, and always aimed to live her best life.
One of her biggest frustrations was that she couldn’t draw. She had so many creative ideas, but she had no way to translate them. She would give me these vague instructions and get annoyed when I said, “I don’t understand what you’re asking me to do”.