Noir Lagos Review

Not sure why it took me so long to write this.  I feel like it always takes a long time to do things I want to do, almost like I get one chance and I want to do it EXACTLY right; basically a fancy way to procrastinate...but anywaaaay...

In January, I went to Noir. Restaurants are popping up like moles on whack-a-mole in Lagos and I've given up trying to play the game, I like what I like okay?

It was the last chance to hang with my sister before she went back to school so along  we went.

Supermarkets are kind of my guilty pleasure, so I'm pretty surprised that I'd never been to La Pointe (the grocery store by the owners of Noir).  I still haven't been (the restaurant is upstairs) but I got a peek and thought- hmmm groceries *rub palms together* 

I was fully prepared for a three course meal, something I don't really do anymore and we got salads to start. I have to say, ordering a kale salad as a starter was a first for me, and it was BLOODY delicious. It DID NOT look like much- saying much is actually an understatement, it looked like NOTHING. It came and I was like whaaaat have I doooone? Honestly, the kale was massaged to death because it was sooo soft (and if you prep kale, you know it takes a lot to get there) the dressing was sweet and tangy and the apples were crisp- listen, it was a delicious salad- that's what you need to know.  

The prawns in the prawn salad were so delicious and mangoes are in season, so you couldn't have tasted a better mango. I was ready to end the meal right there. 

prawn and mango salad

I dont want to say too much about the cocktails except there was grenadine in places where there shouldn't have been grenadine- not impressed- the cocktails were actually the downer for me- the bartender needs to have grenadine taken away from him- less grenadine, more muddling mint. 

It was cook your own steak time, the USP of Noir. I went for South African Tenderloin. The meat was great, absolutely amazing, but I would not cook my own steak again. There was smoke, I had to work at the table, I ended up with a perfect steak, but at what cost?

My gorgeous, perfectly cooked steak

All the steak sauces were really good

My sister's meat was overcooked, but she had no-one to blame but herself - cooking steak is hard man. 

I won't lie to you, I was completely completely full at this point, but I had to have dessert! Had to! The desserts were good, but not memorable. So if at the end of your meal, you want dessert, I'd  say go for it, but I wouldn't go there because of dessert. 

I had a really good experience. Next time, I would skip the cocktails and I definitely wouldn't cook my own steak. Actually, I might skip everything and risk it all for that kale salad! 

Vacation Diaries: Accra, Ghana

I've been to Accra a few times before, but never for Accra, do you get? Like one time I went for a wedding and barely stepped out of Labadi beach hotel- another time, I went to stay in this resort in the hills and went into town to shop and have dinner once- This trip promised to be longer and different- a trip to finally SEE Accra.


A note on yellow cards

  • You need a yellow fever card to travel to Ghana, South Africa and some other African countries.  I already had one (it lasts for 10 years) from my recent trips to Ghana and South Africa, but a few other people going on the trip did not, and so I was dragged along to the Lagos Port Health Authority.
  • The process is quick- you need two photocopies of your passport data page and you need to go at least 10 days before your flight (it takes that long for the vaccine to kick in).  The injection is super quick and not painful (if your nurse is skilled).
  • In 2013, all countries on the regime introduced new cards- I got my card in 2015 or so and they've already updated the cards again- so you're probably not going to get away with getting a card at the airport from a guy thats going to charge you way more than it costs.  
  • If you don't have the card, you can get the shot in Ghana, but if you go to SA without the card, you'll probably get returned.
  • If you're travelling from another state, look for Port health in the airport. It's called Port Health because it's near the Ports- Duh!

Port Health, Ikeja

A note on flights

  • Return tickets cost approximately =N=100,000. Can be more or less depending on timing, airline, etc- but that's a good average.
  • Flights take an hour or less from lagos and about 1.5 hours from Abuja.  
  • Road travel costs about =N20,000. each way from Lagos and takes about 8 hours. 

Anyway, travel day- yay! Is it just me, or is it weird to follow international travel procedures when you're flying less than an hour away to somewhere you can drive to? There were some angry Medview passengers in the airport yelling about their flight being delayed for over 24 hours with no word on when they were going to leave- awkward because their counter was right next to ours and we had to brave the angry mob to check in.

No-one needs to be this happy in Nigerian duty free

Isn't it funny that the KFC is like the unofficial economy lounge- or nah? We arrived on the tarmac to a tiny plane- I have travel anxiety on the best of the days and I had never been on a plane that small- I overheard another passenger telling his friend to "pretend its a private jet" so that's what I did. 50 Minutes later we landed in Accra.

We bought sim cards and data plans and tried to use the ATM. I'd say sort your sim and data out at the airport- it's quick and the plans in the airport were far better than the usual network rates.

A note on Naira cards 

  • remember that they do not work outside of Nigeria for ATM withdrawals- Yes, EVEN in Ghana. It was super awkward to travel all the way to another country and have no cash. I was there on the phone to my bank, trying to see if there was "anything I could do" .
  • I used my card to pay for stuff a few times on the trip, so POS payments are fine for some banks. Always check these things with your bank before you travel, and for goodness sake- TAKE CASH. 

Our meeting point was a Holiday Inn near the airport. We had burgers and mojitos and got into our magic trip bus that was taking us to Ada Foah (about an hour and a half out of Central Accra) via shoprite because two hours on a bus is too long without supplies!

We arrived in Aqua Safari in Ada Foah at about 6pm. Driving up to the entrance was full of promise. We checked in and got changed for dinner because food is ALWAYS the priority! 

Last time I was in Accra, I tried the banku and tilapia and honestly could not cope with the raw tomato and pepper blend it was served with, so this time I stuck with fufu and okra. A few people ordered the banku and tilapia and the sauce was just as raw but not as offensively raw, just regular raw. 

seafood okra

After dinner, everyone was TAYAD, as we didn't all fly in from 50 minutes away.  A few of us persevered and went for a freezing swim in the tiny pool. I'm shivering thinking about that swim.

In the morning, I woke up at 5.20, had a quick shower and rallied everyone to catch the sunrise. My rally call led to exactly one person coming out at 6.15. We missed the sunrise.  We went by the water, took some pictures and chilled, but at 7, everyone was ready for free breakfast (like I said before, priorities!)


After breakfast, we headed out to the Ghana sailing club (also in Ada Foah). I'd never been sailing before and it was really lovely. The instructor was friendly and sailing was surprisingly intuitive (also really hard on the arms). It was really nice to be on clean water- very different to my kayaking experience on the filthy Lagos water. 

Gh sailing club.JPG

We headed back into central Accra and to our apartment in Cantonments. After pizza and recovery (and I'm still burnt by the fact that Ghana has pizza hut), we headed out. First stop- The Republic Bar in Osu. We took regular taxis and got dropped off right on the street the bar was on. It was a very different kind of bar, almost like a street party- especially when I saw women in neon carnivally outfits selling glow sticks.

We started with a disgusting but very awakening ginger and local gin shot and then ordered a round of kokoroko- a cocktail made with hibiscus and local gin (zobo and ogogoro basically), yam chips, chicken and calamari. Everything tasted great and the drinks tasted strong but did not feel strong. We ended with another REALLY REALLY gross shot and then got in another cab to find kizomba- It wasn't meant to be with kizomba so we headed home.

The next day, we were supposed to go on a walking tour but it was way too hot so we chilled and then headed out to a "day party" at about 6pm.I spent a ton of time in the pool and eating and then we headed out for a supposed day party.  Got to Suncity Hotel Apartment, paid the cover fee (it's never free to enter anything in Ghana)- and then walked in to an empty ass spot. Talk about a non day- party day- party. We admired the view and ordered drinks (bottles only *sigh*)

We stayed at the day (turned to night) party for a good five hours, had more drinks, some food and headed out to crash a wedding. 

The wedding was soooo gorgeous and the music was the best I heard in the entire trip. The Republic bar was serving drinks (that kokoroko drink was chasing me). 

Finally, we got to new years eve! After a day of eating Nigerian jollof and Ghanian waakye (pronounced wache sha), we headed out at about 6pm to do the Jamestown tour we had been putting off for two days. On the day we went to the Republic in Osu, our friend assured us that it was "like Lagos Island"- friends- THIS was like Lagos Island. We did the tour, stopping to try their local spirits (never drink in a place that has a curtain instead of a door) and buying different kinds of Ghanian food. At the end of the tour, we ended up with kelewele (a spicy ripe plaintain), kenke (made from steamed corn), fried flat fish (seriously, this fish looked like crisps), shito (spicy pepper and fish mix), kpako shito (made from a spicy green pepper and made to be eaten fairly fresh), and some tins of sardines.

It's interesting that Ghanians have a lot of main meals that are snack like, and made to be eaten not warm.

After that meal, we said goodbye to our lovely tour guide and headed to Tea Baa a cute little bar in Osu, where we had spiked ice tea, chicken kebabs and played a noisy game of Taboo. My team won because apparently I'm an expert guesser.

We left Tea Baa and headed to a house party which turned out to be an intimate family party- yikes. The family was super nice and the food was sooo good, so we sat on couches in the driveway, watched fireworks and got pleasantly drowsy.

At 2.30am, we went to a club called Twist, where again, we paid to get in. It was PACKED. Apparently, it was full of Ahaspora (The Ghanian name for IJGBs) because locals were at home with their families, having lovely parties that were being crashed by foreigners :)

at 4am, I could physically not stand anymore and headed home. 

The next day was spent in a montage of of eating, lying down, watching Dark and eating. At 7, we started playing lemon until we started dropping like flies and heading to bed. 

By the time, we were headed to the airport in the morning, I was DRAINED, but in a good way. 

I was literally on the escalator down and it stopped very abruptly, nearly throwing me off- that's when I knew I was home!



How to Finally Keep Your New Year Resolutions

So you know how it goes. A new year starts and you race to make the most dramatic resolutions ever. I wrote this post last year about how the new year doesn't mean YOU're new, it just means the calendar changed date. I'm all for fresh starts- every Monday, every month, every payday- but at some point, you need to stop your dreaming and get realistic about how to go from point A (you now) to point B (the you, you aspire to be).

The first step really is- chill. No, you don't need to start a diet on January 1st, it's okay for your budget to start after your next pay check, you can start waking up at 6am on the first day of work, you can join the gym on february 1st, you can write the first 1000 words of your novel after you've recovered from staying up too many days in a row over the holidays. IT IS OKAY. I find that too many times, we set ourselves up to fail by starting new things on tough days- you want to stop eating carbs and sugar on the day that your auntie is coming to yours with her famous chocolate cheesecake that you eat once a year- it's not realistic. You want to start a novel on the day that you and your friends are going trampolining and then having dinner- why?

The second step is - also chill- no, I'm joking, well, kind of.  Trying to jump from zero to tatty billion is not a smart thing to do.  You're not going to gorge yourself for a whole month and instantly switch to green tea and salad (GT & S ammiright?) if green tea and salad wasn't your status quo before the holidays.  You want to go from not working out since July to two hours in the gym everyday- probably not going to happen mate!

So why don't you start with setting yourself up to succeed- why don't you try snack free days, why dont you start with walking? Why not start with saving 20 percent of your salary instead of half? - why dont you set yourself easy targets that you're likely to meet? the impact on your brain would make you stop feeling like you're incapable of achieving anything. You are probably not going to finish duolingo and get fairly fluent in french in January.

The third step is- set tiny targets that you can measure- 100 words, 3 hours of exercise a week, not eating sugar one day a week; I find it easier to set the large goal and not measure every step- so last year, I set a goal to read 50 books (finished at 82), and tracked every book on goodreads but didn't try and make sure it was 1 a week- there were weeks where I didn't read anything and that flexibility made it easier to stay on track. So you might want to write 5 thousand words a month- you don't necessarily have to have a fixed number for every day- but by all means, do if it works for you. 

The thing about setting goals is that you have to anticipate failure or flagging and then plan for it. If you want to start eating more fruits and vegetables, make it was easy as possible for yourself, which could be a smoothie, or always having it in your line of sight and obviously- buying more fruit and vegetables.  It is important to account for possible failure- we all have the capacity to succeed but we also have the capacity to sabotage our own goals, we're only human. When we set resolutions as if we can't fail, when we fail, we give up. 

Take a second look at your resolutions. Are they in line with the person that you know you are? or did you make them for the version of yourself you haven't met? Ultra-stylish, speedy, always with a witty comeback, limitless you? 

If you adjust your goals, you might get to the meet the other you at some point- corny but true :)

Hashtag Summer Body Days 4



Someone drops an apology meatpie on my desk (*apology food- is the food you give a foodie in place of apologising) -i'm hungry, so I inhale it.


Had this big dream of fruit and yoghurt but hollandia being a Nigerian brand has changed their yoghurt formulation and it is now a watery mess. I eat the soaked apple anyway.


I feel like I need meat so I eat some moi moi and meat from TFC. I wash it down with half a 35cl coke.




Working late- looked for snacks- got this biscuit,  took a bite and abandoned it.


I get home from work and eat a banana


It's late and I really don't need to eat this but I eat yam chips and egg



Hashtag Summer Body Day 3


Coffee with vanilla almond milk and 1 sugar

10.12 am- chopped apple and frozen strawberries


I have a TFC salad and moi moi for lunch- I eat the cooked bits of the salad and leave the salad bits (on the left) because I suddenly wasn't sure how they were prepped. 

4.43pm- I taste these- burnt and gross.

Time Unknown but probably around 7.30

Beans and a few cubes of plantain


Hashtag Summer Body day 2


Start my day with a litre of water and a probiotic. Consider not eating before my dentist appointment, but considering my last proper meal was at 2.30pm yesterday, I'm really hungry.

I eat some salmon and sweet potato left over from last week's meal prep.



I eat an apple to cleanse the salmon-I obviously brush my teeth again before the dentist because it's polite.

my fave ENT doctor has moved to another country- a new ENT clinic I'm supposed to try has an asinine billing person- My uber and taxify keep getting lost or cancelling- the whole dentist visit is way more expensive than I intended and I still have to go to work. Basically...

I get 2 Scoops of sorbet from hans and rene. When I was leaving, one of the staff was like "see you tomorrow". What is my life? I got the zobo and fruit sorbet. The zobo is super spicy. They defs changed the recipe since the last time I had it-It has a real kick now -the fresh fruit sorbet (fruits of the forest ?) something like that- balanced out the spiciness. I almost got the pink grapefruit but the guy taking my order was like 'have you tasted the pink grapefruit before?' It tasted like a chalky medicine-  thank you for stopping me!

4. 00pm

I'm so hungry, I ask someone if they have gala (they eat gala everyday) -I don't even like gala! I eat my croissant from hans & rene-yes I bought a croissant when you weren't looking ! Also have some tea. The croissant is delicious. The tea is gross for some reason.

I order a taco because it's Tuesday- duh! Taco Tuesday.


Start eating my chips and guac in the car. It is ay way way too salty and not too enjoyable but I paid for it-so I eat the chips till the guac runs out.

Eat the taco which is more a wrap at this point and ruined by the salty guac.

*End of day 2*




Hashtag Wedding Body aka Nigerian Summer Body

So, I wrote an entire post on my plan to basically get a Summer body for my friends wedding in 6 weeks.  I never published it or properly finished it so i’ve reproduced the draft I did.

I asked EatDrinkLagos if they could commission me to try various diets. Nosa laughed and Folayemi ignored me.  I thought, shit- I’m going to be fat forever- then it occurred to me that I might as well tell my own story- less likely to look stupid as well, since I have a tiny audience.

I’ve been a bridesmaid NINE times. And in roughly six weeks, I take up my post again.  As usual, the dress is gorgeous and unforgiving and I’m side eyeing my belly everyday like yikes! So ideally, I should do something undramatic that I can ease into and that- but like I wanna be in the hot league of bridesmaids- I want to break free from making my aso-ebi into a baggy shift dress- I want it to be like some ridiculous tight thing that I need an extra long zip and some pulling to fit into.  At the same time, I want my health- yano. I’m fat and stuff- so I’m not going to be slim in sevenish week- but I want to be you know? Sculpted- so diet is king and whatnot but I’m going to turn to exercise for this one- because you know those “thick” video girl bodies yeah? Gym!

How much can a body change in 6 weeks?

Dami is about to find out.

Well, at the time I wrote the post, I had 6, maybe 7 weeks. Now I have like a month. My plan was to document the entire process, so people could watch me lose weight rather than wait till i’d lost it to ask me a bunch of questions.  I know a big part of me thought it was possible to achieve my weight loss goals In 6 weeks- I didn't admit that to myself but that's really what I thought. So anyway, I explained here why I was finding it super hard to post that.  After Folayemi of @eatdrinklagos published her food diary, I got super gingered and decided to start mine. The thing is, I want to do it daily as much as possible, so I'm going to post Monday now and then do it only one day behind, for greater accountability.  Please no one ask me how I intend to lose even a quarter of a pound eating the way I do- smh.



I start my day with a workout, new season of insecure, probiotics and water- so actually feeling pretty pumped!

9.30am coffee.JPG







I have a coffee buddy at work. Our common interest is not drinking shit coffee so we share coffees and creamers etc. Anyway, I use their new hazelnut coffee creamer, but forget that it's sugar free. I HATE sugar free anything, so it's gross but I drink it anyway.



I have a second cup of coffee- this time- packet cappucino. Much better. All this caffeine and no food is making me feel empty.







with no food prospects in sight, I start eating this giant brownie I got from Hans & Rene the day before. When I buy junk food to have in the future, I question my decision making skills- why am I planning ahead to satisfy a future unwelcome craving?


Giant Cookie



I have this giant cookie I also bought from hans and rene.







I eat actual nutrients for the first time today. This is leftover from my meal prep last week. Brown basmati, shredded beef and vegetables in a tomato sauce and grilled broccoli.




I feel like I need to apologise to my body for all the sugar so I have a massive green tea.

hershey bars




Literally haven't drank half of my green tea and someone comes round with free chocolate. People at work usually come back from trips abroad with free chocolate for everyone in the office. I eat one.









Still at work. Eat the rest of the chocolate, except the GROSS milk chocolate, which tastes like actual vomit. If it was from Shoprite, I would be convinced it was fake or expired.

The one good thing from today is that I've had 4 litres of water, but obviously very little actual nutrition. 





On...Giving Your Thoughts Too Much Power

Lately, I've been scared of blogging- I've reached peak anxiety and I would draft a post/ many posts on google docs- on notes- on word- via email and it would be time to post and I would sign in to squarespace and then...just not be able to.  I'm not sure what's happening- or why it's happening, but it's a kind of paralysis that also spreads to other areas- where- I find myself unable to do the things I really want to's hard to explain how you just start to do things and just...can't. 

Sometimes, I think we give our minds too much credit- kind of like, if we think it, it must be true- but minds are full of all sorts of untrue things- and sometimes, the only thing you can do is literally ignore your thoughts and feelings and just do what you set out to do regardless. 

Have you ever gotten on a plane and gotten convinced that everything that happened that day leading up to that plane journey was a bad sign? Like a friend texts you out of the blue- or you forgot your favourite shirt and you never forget your favourite shirt or that morning you woke up and felt too tired and considered moving your flight- so everything takes on this significance and you're convinced that it means something. Then you take off, land, get off and realise that your mind made the entire thing up. 

I feel like in Nigeria, it's easier to listen to your mind instead of just doing things, because when everyone is trying to tell you how best to live your life- your own mind is all you have. It's an extra delicate balance of using your mind to set goals and then ignoring it when you're trying to be consistent. 

Does any of this even make sense? 

Thoughts from Beauty and the Beast


So picture this. You fall in love.  Yeah the person isn't your usual type but you've grown to love their eyes and the funny thing they do with their eyebrow and the familiar way their hand feels when you hold hands- or whatever- whatever reasons you have for falling in love with this "ugly" person are valid.  Now imagine you fall asleep next to the love of your life and when you wake up, they are an entirely different person- as in completely different- but objectively "not ugly", does that make you feel like "hmm thank God I don't have to be with the ugly love of my life anymore" - errr no- you're like WHO THE FLYING PHUCK ARE YOU? GET OUT OF MY BED.

So when Belle falls for the beast, errr...this prince is a different person yo. The beast was hench, all he had to do was do the Kanye work out plan and drop a few pounds! When he changed into a boring ass human, she "joked" about him growing a beard- come on Belle, you know you loved that hairy beast.


If you get kidnapped, and a candlestick is nice enough to let you out of your cell, please return the favour and stay in your lane.  Don't go and start "exploring" the house- this isn't a rental viewing- don't go and try and touch cursed flowers that may keep people trapped forever- I mean, for goodness sake! It's because of this flower obsession, your father was kidnapped in the first place!


So this chick Belle is telling her dad that she'll come for him and escape right? super noble and whatnot- cool. Next thing, she's taken out of the cell, given food and a bed, the whole princess treatment right? See- SHE EVEN LEFT THE CASTLE AND GUESS WHAT HER "KIDNAPPER" DID? HE SAVED HER LIFE.  Guess what she did? nursed him back to life and chilled in the castle, taking snowy walks and making jokes about cheesy books- only for him to ask if he has a chance with her and she says "can anyone be happy if they aren't free?" maybe not man, but you free Belle! You very free.  You guys was niggas in parising! GO AND SEE YOUR DAD! The guy that is so desperate to save you that people believe he's a crazy person. 


That yellow dress she wore to her private dance with Beasty was supposed to be the highlight outfit, but just didn't translate from cartoon to real life.


Just as a final note- please, don't fall in love with beasts and try and bring out some deep inner spirit.  You might ruin yourself in the process (the same way Belle was already ruining herself and forgetting her dad for some library books).  Not even a beast with money okay? Not even a beast that's a prince.  


If anything talks to you in someones house and you are in Nigeria, you are in the presence of witches and there is no such thing as a "good Nigerian witch" so be careful. 


I think I've come to the end of my thoughts. 

Good Things Come in Pink Boxes or A Coco Ribbon Review

The first time I Stumbled across Coco Ribbon was on instagram on my friends feed. The second time was the very next day when my auntie texted me a picture of the box and asked if I had tasted it. I brought it up to my friend and she said it was set up by the brain behind Cupcake Cutie- one of the first cupcake brands in Abuja (one of the first? The first?) and that Coco Ribbon was a brand in Abuja before Lagos- for once! 

The time that made me order it though was someone's order arriving in the office- the box was so distinctive that I instantly went to the instagram and called. There was a bit of an awkward pause when I found out that the cheapest thing was a box of 6 for N4000, and N1,000 for delivery. “I’ll call you right back”, I stammered as I hung up. I really had no intention of calling back,  because 5k on a box of doughnuts was nat in my budget. 

My friend and I eventually decided to split a box, called and ordered all six flavours: salted caramel, nutella, vanilla cream (vanilla custard?), strawberry cream, raspberry jam and plain. Interesting fact, I asked to do a transfer and when the bank details were sent to me it said “Krispy Kreme Limited”, wonder what the story is there.

I was given a half hour delivery estimate, I got my box at closer to two hours, which was particularly painful because it meant hanging at work late when I did not have to. When the delivery guy walked in with the box, I forgave him and everyone because it was just so pretty and presenty. Very exciting! 


After a really stressful process of splitting all the doughnuts in half and realising there was no plain doughnut in the box (if you're going to replace something in my order, you should let me know), I took a bite of the vanilla cream doughnut. My mouth filled with delicious cream and I knew in that instant I would never order it again. And the problem (FOR ME) is, the doughnut. It was covered in granulated sugar (pet peeve, the texture is too much of a contrast for a cream filled doughnut), too oily, and know a doughnut. How do I explain this properly- It’s like if you google doughnut recipe, it’s like the doughnut you’d make from the first recipe that pops up. Very highly rated, but also very...boring? 

Really sad I forgot to take a proper picture, and now I kind of wish I took a picture of the inside of the doughnut

The fillings were very delicious. The vanilla cream and strawberry cream had a nice creamy texture that was not too runny; the salted caramel had a very good caramel mouthfeel, but I missed the saltiness, didn’t taste any; the nutella was soo delicious and the raspberry jam was the best of the lot- finally! Proper jam in a jam doughnut.

You can't beat the packaging for gifting this doughnut, it’ll make the cutest affordable gift! 

A Lesson in Vulnerability- Girls Season 6 episode 8

We start off with Adam rehearsing his speech to Hannah to Jessah

Adam rehearsing his speech to Hannah

“You’re not doing anything wrong”she tells him. L O L

I guess sometimes if you enter a relationship with technicalities, you can’t turn around and get angry for someone else relying on technicalities.

How is Hannah so pregnant? Is it the same method as making a bald head? Then again, that's the size of my stomach everyday after lunch

Pregnant Hannah

Adam find Hannah , delivers an abbrieviated version of the speech and they go back to her apartment


Have awkward sex (is there any other kind) and then go shopping for baby things- Adam already has a list of DIY projects he need to do- everything is moving in a high speed hyper reality. The problem with hyper reality is that reality can temper it really quickly.

On the other hand, Ray is falling in love with someone that Shosh already described as “too much” (I’d argue that youre too much Shosh but whatever)- she's from Shosh's Japan past.

Ray and Japan girl

Jessah is spinning out as you do when the love of your life abruptyly leaves you for their ex with barely any warning

Jessah wilding out
the tears of the dumped

When did we start caring about Rays life? Why does he have a story arc? Why do we care what he does with his inheritance? Why do we want to see him falling in love?

who cares?

Also, its a really stupid question to ask if you would rather live in a beautiful building with a view of a dead building or a dead building with a view of a beautiful building- because all you're asking is would you rather live in a beautiful building or a dead building and hello?? Why do you want to live in a dead building for goodness sake?

When Adam left and went back home, that for me was the perfect metaphor for relationships. This guy really left the house to chase after love that morning- he had sex with someone else and spent the day planning their future and then he enjoyed that and came back home to his actual real life. Men do this shit ALL the damn time- why are the women always welcoming it with open arms- shit- I’ve had that exact Jessah moment- oh to be young and dumb and a ball of emotion

It actually feels like Hannah has her shit together the most, ya know?

 Like seriosuly- do we care?

Like seriosuly- do we care?




I should have guessed from the name panache

...that this place wasn't going to bang. I mean what is Panache as a name for a restaurant? According to the first google search result, "Panache is a flamoyant confidence of style and manner" (also, I just checked and it was a yahoo search, awks) 

Anyhoo, yeah. I was in Abuja for a bit and wanted to go somewhere nice. After all my research, only two options kept resurfacing - Pow and Panache.  Pow is Japanese and someone said they cook with too much maggi so I chose panache because it's 'continental' (my word, not theirs)

Walked in and it was full of square tables with tablecloths. I kept trying to find a good angle to photograph the setting, but I couldn't find one (also, some man came up to ask why I was taking his picture- I wasn't but yeah)

At this point, I was still super excited. The menus were really gorgeous with pictures and they had the best dessert selection I've ever seen in Nigeria- AND.THEY.HAD.DUCK. Man I was ready to go in.

Ordered duck, my boyfriend (he asked me to put in this post that he's 6 5" and well built-he's not, but yah) ordered ribs, and we both ordered mojitos- which I always order because - easy to make right? wrong.

(thats my water served in a wine glass btw)

So we received this and I was like??? These mint leaves were obviously not muddled like they should have been. I'm paying way over the odds for this.  What? According to my boyfriend, it tasted like transparent cough syrup and you know what? It reeally did. 

The bread rolls had a very very very weird aftertaste-  Before that day, I'd never tasted a bread roll I didn't like- I usually inhale bread rolls like I need them for my lung function - I put this down after one bite  (also, I had the nagging feeling that the guy that accused me of taking his picture was trying to poison me.) I had to take a bite of my boyfriends roll just to be sure that they tasted the same- but then he would just poison us both, right?

My duck came. generous portion, in a wine jus AND honey roasted root vegetables (including beetroot, yuck). The duck was actually gorgeous, perfectly cooked and flavoured, so tender and lovingly made.

The dis-service was in the combination of the other things on the plate- my potatoes not dauphinoise enough and all the sauces being way too sweet and overwhelming. I asked for a new plate for my duck and ordered a garlic sauce. I can't even believe this happened, but my garlic sauce WAS BLAND. How is this even possible? I just gave up at this point and asked for the dessert menu. By this point, our waiter- Ekajo, who was the best part of the meal, was concerned about all the leftover food so,  he recommended that I get the fondant.  I wanted a more rounded dessert experience so I ordered a dessert duo instead.  The duo included his beloved fondant so it was cool.

*sigh*. The fondant was the best thing on the plate, it was good.  The white chocolate on the other hand,  tasted like- you know when you put something sweet in the freezer with fresh stew and leftover moi moi and it ends up with a weird freezer taste, thats how the white chocolate tasted.

In summary, I generally don't have the highest expectations for food in Nigeria, I eat out more for the ambience than anything, but I just couldn't believe this , man. 

And don't kill me, but I would still recommend it- stay with safe dishes, lower your expectations and just live. Order your water (which is served in a wine glass) , pretend you are drinking wine and just enjoy yourself. I mean, it's Abuja, where else are you going to go (this is a joke, don't give me a list).



Goal 1: Lose Weight


How did we get here?

On my first day of uni, my microwave meal set off the fire alarm. It was a sunday morning and I lived in uni halls. When the alarm goes off, everyone has to stand outside till the firemen come. The firemen would walk through the crowd to the flat that set it off, shouting loudly on the way “who set this off?”. A sunday morning in uni halls means people sleeping off their hangovers. Standing outside on the lawn in various states of undress wasn’t really how people wanted to start their Sundays, and causing that wasn’t really how I wanted to start my uni life.

And that’s the story of how I came to exist on a diet of take-out, junk food and boxes of dry cereal in first year of uni (lol, jk, I just liked crap). It took one term to gain like 10-15kg and then a couple more months to gain the rest.

I was sick one weekend and by the time I re-surfaced, I kept hearing comments that i’d lost weight. So when I went home for some holiday, I started to eat three times a day. I would have the occasional ice lolly or apple and when I went back to uni, I had lost a couple of kg. I started cooking and making myself eat three meals a day. I didn’t count calories. Then I started taking a bus at 6am to meet up with two girls I barely knew to run for 12 minutes. When I started running properly later, it was kind of hilarious to me how little 12 minutes of running was. Then I started running on my own and increasing the distance and eventually I was doing 3 miles a day, everyday, rain, snow, shine.

The final piece of the weight loss puzzle came from a 10 day hospital stint for malaria- I think it was 10 days, but it was so long ago, I can’t remember for sure.

I maintained that weight for three years, and then I moved back to Nigeria. Mate, you know how they say pride comes before a fall? I would never ever ever ever have thought I'd be back here. Again.

I’ve had sooooo many false starts all rooted in doing the quickest thing- it wasn’t until I looked at my old tumblr that I realised that it took a long time the last time but I eventually got to my goal. If I had just chosen consistency, I might have been further along in my journey now.

This isn’t some call to action post- I’m not about to state all my weight loss goals and do weight check-ins. I mean, I might, who knows, but this isn’t what THIS  post is for.

This is just you know, a celebration of the second month of a new year, so goal 1- lose weight.



What I've Read So Far in 2017

When I set out to read 52 books this year, my main goal was to read all the books gatherng dust on my digital bookshelf and utilise my time more productively (I forgot how I get lost in books and forget to do other productive things)

I deleted the twitter app from my phone (somehow, twitter isn’t as fun when you use it on anything else) and got to it. I picked the books randomly, but when I started to write this post, I realised that, there was a thread that ran through the books- womens empowerment!

Book 1 was a wonderful memoir Paris Letters about a woman who quits her job in LA, goes on on European holiday and falls in love and starts a new life and business. It was a great way to start the year full of that kind of energy- a reminder that you have the power to change your life.

Book 2 was Love, Style, Life- Garance Dore’s book I bought years ago when it first came out and never got round to reading. It charted her journey from uni dropout to successful illustrator and blogger who moved across the world for love and pursuit of her dreams.

Book 3 was a book of short stories- Difficult Women- by Roxane Gay- what made me buy my “no buy” rule and buy it was this gorgeous short story

Book 4 was Lean In- which is one of those books people leave on their bookshelves forever and never read. I finally read it on a few journeys to and from work and loved it. It outlines biases that we all have and what to do to change them.

Book 5 was Sweet Revenge by Jane Fallon - I fell into an amazon binge a few nights ago after me and my cosuin reminisced about one of my favorite authors Sarra Manning and how she manages to turn stories from an underrated and often superficial genre into something complex and heartfelt. This book is about a woman who finds out her husband is having an affair and develops a revenge plot. (hmm, just occured to me that this isn’t the first time she’s writing a book about a husband cheating). It was a light easy read.

Please share what you’re reading with me in the comments or on twitter and instagram! (and please subscribe).


New Year, New Me (Or Nah)

I wanted the new year to be the magical elixir that completely transformed my life, but one day in and I can tell that it takes more than the calendar changing for everything about my life to change, aka, i'm still the same person, aka duh.

I don't know what I expected, but I’m borderline disappointed, at the genie that never waved his magic wand and at myself for not being prepared to work more on myself.

The truth is, there is nothing more addictive than a future version of yourself. Future version is shiny and fun, disciplined, focus, wise and rich, but the journey to get there is long and hard and deliberate. I’ve read about and talked to so many successful people and no matter how much of the narrative changes, the premise is still the same, deliberate focused work even at times when it seems like pure ‘luck’ (I won’t say no to a footballer gifting me a week’s earnings sha)

I remember when I was a lot younger and my aunt said you couldn't pay her to be young, because being young was fraught with uncertainty and you know, it's so true. The nature of uncertainty changes as you grow older, but fundamentally, being young is uncertain, because you actually have the power to determine your future and that’s a scary power to have. There are no rules to this thing, and even when steps look obvious, taking the steps is often a lesson in discipline and overcoming fear.

What career is right? what friends are right? When is the right time to leave? who is the right long term partner?

It’s even harder when you look on instagram and linkedin and twitter and everyone else but you is just strolling into fun opportunities that rake in loads of cash, while you wonder if your data plan is going to stretch beyond your light stalking.

How much is persistence and how much is flogging a dead horse?

I don’t know the answers to most of these questions. And maybe that’s the point. Maybe all you have to focus on is doing more than the best you can as much as you can, but first defining what that is. Maybe the answer is getting comfortable with the failure of not knowing and doing anyway.

Maybe the answer isn’t waiting for the new year to brush a magic wand over my life. Maybe the answer is taking more responsibility about how your life goes.



The Wedding Party Movie Review


If the advertising budget for the wedding party was anything to go by, a lot of effort went into this movie. I saw the trailer for this movie EVERYWHERE, by the time it came out, I was already thinking I have to see it. Rewind. Romantic comedies in all forms of entertainment are the baseline of what I like. I love love, sue me. I also LOVE seeing black people on tv. It’s the reason I’ve watched more than one Tyler Perry movie and relentlessly give all movies and tv shows with a black cast a fighting chance, including a lot of Nollywood stuff.

This movie is chuck full of popular romantic tropes and many Nigerian ones- reformed bad boy getting married to quintessential good girl. ‘Good girl” as defined by entertainment is usually a colourless one dimensional character that is extremely naïve- and to be fair, Adesuwa Etomi, as “bride’ fit that stereotype perfectly. She shows her friends her wedding lingerie- a pink and white polka dot tank top and shorts combo and I can’t help but roll my eyes.

There’s also the cold in-law, and Ireti Doyle, surprisingly, overdoes it completely, providing the contrast between the ‘high class family’ talking about taste and potato dauphinoise vs the “razz” family that is overly excited about amala and their daughter getting married.

The actual wedding was the greater part of the movie and it was a lit wedding. There were times when it literally felt like I was watching someone’s actual wedding video, take from that what you will.

But where the wedding party excelled was being a typical but relatable rom com. In place of the airport scene is a scene where bride is chased to her “favorite spot”, by a fire on the beach front. WHERE? All the things that make Nigerian weddings familiar were present and a little bit exaggerated- the over the top wedding planner, struggles of a guest list, stealing at weddings, the ridiculous prayers, the dance in, the “ex” coming to criticise and stir up drama, same as the side chick, families fighting and then reconciling, fighting over souvenirs. There was a lot to laugh about and there was a lot to relate to.

I have to shout out to the stellar performance by Sola Sobowale- she stole every scene she was in, glorious as an actress.

If this is the future of Nigerian romantic comedy, I’m pretty excited. And a last note of warning, don't watch it if you don't like rom-coms for goodness sake. You'll come out shouting that it's overrated and underwhelming and that's not the movies fault. 



Catch the Moments of Your Life. Catch Them When You're Young. (This is Us S01E08 Recap)

This season has been mad heavy for new shows and I've been scrambling trying to watch as many of them as possible to decide what the BEST ones are. 


We open with the boys playing- we all know by this point just how rare that is, with all their complicated emotions and memories. 

Kate is back at a meeting after falling into a bag of doughnuts at the end of the last episode.

And then she's at dinner with Toby, who is wolfing down pasta and has the bread basket next to him. Somehow he's managing to eat and drink everything at the same time and it is NOT cute. Kate's Salad looks especially tragic next to his pasta and I can imagine exactly how she feels. I like that the break up was nice and swift. 

I told you when I met you that I couldn’t fall for another fat person.
But you did, you did fall for me, so now what? You’re just going to throw me away?

I mean Kate just told you she cried herself to sleep after she binged on powdered doughnuts and you're thinking of how she's choosing her emotional well being over you? hmm. 

It's thanksgiving day and Randall is super excited. Of course he's cooking a hosting. Kevin has lured his co-star along by promising her that his family is super interesting because he has a black adopted brother and his mum his married to his dead dads best friend and did he say his twin was obese or did I just imagine that part? This babe is GORGEOUS! I mean the whole British people are dark and weird and cold is really over-played as foreigners always are in American TV. 


Kate is walking down the plane aisle and everyone is looking at her like "ill deck you if you sit next to me." I felt bad because I've definitely had that thought before. Imagine how awkward it feels for the fat person. Kate had bought two seats though, so her seat mate could like leave the attitude behind. She didn't, but she should have.

Co-star person wants to leave, all "I can't do this" and William talks to her about how dying feels and tells her to catch all the moments of her life while she's young and she runs back inside and kisses Kevin! Thanks William but yous about to get in trooouble!!

It doesn't look like that here, but it felt like the plane was about to crash (like I don't hate flying enough)- yeah so this 'near death' experience leads to Kate deciding to have weight loss surgery. Although no-one cared when she said it because Randall found out that... his mum has known about his bio dad for like ever! Trouuubleee.

Yeah- this episode was a bit bleh. I feel like they tried too hard to make us feel something, with the whole flashback to how they invented their traditions and Kevins new babe and I just really felt detached from it all. 

How about you guys, what did you think?



How Your Weekend is Ruining Your Christmas Body

For the past year, I'be been trying to lose weight. If I'm honest, I've been trying to lose weight for the past year and a half. I've juiced, jogged, starved, cut out whole food groups and all I've done is ruin my metabolism and increase my size. 

Finally, a million and one fitness groups later, I decided to take the sensible approach and work on diet and exercise (duh), making smarter food choices and trying to maintain a consistent workout schedule and most importantly, getting rid of my extremely accurate weight watchers scale. I've tried to log things in My Fitness Pal before (great app, but can't be arsed)- so I've turned to my regular pen and paper and that's working out a lot better. I also started insanity asylum, which I genuinely prefer to any other insanity workout I've done- so far, so good. So weekdays are great! Up at 5, work out, eat my breakfast, take my already meal prepped lunch to work, eat my healthy dinner and my healthy snack packs.

Friday night and it all goes to shit! I'm going to use this weekend as an example. On Friday, I had a great morning. I worked out, pushed myself to finish, packed one of my most filling breakfasts (sweet potato and scrambled eggs), ate at work, was so full, didn't have lunch (small boiled plantain and chicken) till much later. So far, so good. 

Left work to go to Hans & Rene after dark. Hmm. Started my night with a gelato cocktail (kiwi mojito, absolutely delicious). Didn't say no to the free food platter (mini sandwich, mini pizza, mini meat thingi), ate the thing. To go , I HAD to have the mojito gelato (it was cheaper than the cocktail AND had alcohol). I chalked this up to dinner and went home telling myself in the back of the uber that it was my 'cheat meal' for the week.


On Saturday, I started well- had exactly one slice of yam and one egg after my ab workout. I was feeling righteous but also hungry. So I had a cashew snack pack. Still okay. Then I was really tired and had to go out so I had a cappucino with sugar and everything. Still not terrible. I skipped lunch and had two handfuls of seaweed peanuts instead. Cool cool cool. 9.30 pm and starving, I had a salmon salad with olive oil and balsamic dressing (heavy on the olive oil). If this is where I said goodnight and went to bed, the day might have been salvaged. "How about a nightcap?" Dami said to Dami. So I had six hob-nobs, and a giant horlicks (with a little sprinkle of hot chocolate to give it that kick). Sigh.

Sunday! I had given up the righteousness. Started my day with no workout and some leftover pasta with chicken. I guess the leftover wasn't leftover enough because I was still so hungry. So I repeated my horlickshobnobs combo. Had a nap. Went to GT fashion week, started off with a turkey and cheese croissant from Hans & Rene (these need to be permanent, soooo good) and sprite (because to be fair they weren't selling water.) Next step- the lounge. I had a platinum pass and I wasn't about to waste it. So two mojitos and a few small chops down, I went to watch the show. Came out of the show peckish (maybe seeing all the model bodies?) so I went back to the lounge for some chocolate cake (YUM-MAY) - tbh, it was average but it was free, so extra marks for freeness. Went outside to meet my friend who was buying a toastie and I thought - heh, why not? And throw in a cold fanta please?I don't even like fanta.

Went home and attempted my workout- gave up half way through and ate my toastie. Fell asleep with a what the hell question mark hanging over my head.

I woke up this morning and as I struggled through my workout, I thought? I can't wake up at 5 to workout, nearly die at different points throughout the workout only to throw away all of that work at the weekend.

That, my friends, is how I ruined a week of hard work in one weekend.