Hashtag Summer Body Days 4

Thursday

9.34am

Someone drops an apology meatpie on my desk (*apology food- is the food you give a foodie in place of apologising) -i'm hungry, so I inhale it.

11.02am

Had this big dream of fruit and yoghurt but hollandia being a Nigerian brand has changed their yoghurt formulation and it is now a watery mess. I eat the soaked apple anyway.

2.20pm

I feel like I need meat so I eat some moi moi and meat from TFC. I wash it down with half a 35cl coke.

3.51pm

Coffee

7.25pm

Working late- looked for snacks- got this biscuit,  took a bite and abandoned it.

8.41pm

I get home from work and eat a banana

9.17pm

It's late and I really don't need to eat this but I eat yam chips and egg

 

 

Hashtag Summer Body Day 3

9.58am

Coffee with vanilla almond milk and 1 sugar

10.12 am- chopped apple and frozen strawberries

3.06pm

I have a TFC salad and moi moi for lunch- I eat the cooked bits of the salad and leave the salad bits (on the left) because I suddenly wasn't sure how they were prepped. 

4.43pm- I taste these- burnt and gross.

Time Unknown but probably around 7.30

Beans and a few cubes of plantain

*END OF DAY 3*

Hashtag Summer Body day 2

Tuesday.


Start my day with a litre of water and a probiotic. Consider not eating before my dentist appointment, but considering my last proper meal was at 2.30pm yesterday, I'm really hungry.

9.31am
I eat some salmon and sweet potato left over from last week's meal prep.

 

10.09am

I eat an apple to cleanse the salmon-I obviously brush my teeth again before the dentist because it's polite.

my fave ENT doctor has moved to another country- a new ENT clinic I'm supposed to try has an asinine billing person- My uber and taxify keep getting lost or cancelling- the whole dentist visit is way more expensive than I intended and I still have to go to work. Basically...

2.40pm
I get 2 Scoops of sorbet from hans and rene. When I was leaving, one of the staff was like "see you tomorrow". What is my life? I got the zobo and fruit sorbet. The zobo is super spicy. They defs changed the recipe since the last time I had it-It has a real kick now -the fresh fruit sorbet (fruits of the forest ?) something like that- balanced out the spiciness. I almost got the pink grapefruit but the guy taking my order was like 'have you tasted the pink grapefruit before?' It tasted like a chalky medicine-  thank you for stopping me!

4. 00pm

I'm so hungry, I ask someone if they have gala (they eat gala everyday) -I don't even like gala! I eat my croissant from hans & rene-yes I bought a croissant when you weren't looking ! Also have some tea. The croissant is delicious. The tea is gross for some reason.

I order a taco because it's Tuesday- duh! Taco Tuesday.

 

5.50pm
Start eating my chips and guac in the car. It is ay way way too salty and not too enjoyable but I paid for it-so I eat the chips till the guac runs out.

6.38pm
Eat the taco which is more a wrap at this point and ruined by the salty guac.

*End of day 2*

 

 

 

Hashtag Wedding Body aka Nigerian Summer Body

So, I wrote an entire post on my plan to basically get a Summer body for my friends wedding in 6 weeks.  I never published it or properly finished it so i’ve reproduced the draft I did.

I asked EatDrinkLagos if they could commission me to try various diets. Nosa laughed and Folayemi ignored me.  I thought, shit- I’m going to be fat forever- then it occurred to me that I might as well tell my own story- less likely to look stupid as well, since I have a tiny audience.

I’ve been a bridesmaid NINE times. And in roughly six weeks, I take up my post again.  As usual, the dress is gorgeous and unforgiving and I’m side eyeing my belly everyday like yikes! So ideally, I should do something undramatic that I can ease into and that- but like I wanna be in the hot league of bridesmaids- I want to break free from making my aso-ebi into a baggy shift dress- I want it to be like some ridiculous tight thing that I need an extra long zip and some pulling to fit into.  At the same time, I want my health- yano. I’m fat and stuff- so I’m not going to be slim in sevenish week- but I want to be you know? Sculpted- so diet is king and whatnot but I’m going to turn to exercise for this one- because you know those “thick” video girl bodies yeah? Gym!

How much can a body change in 6 weeks?

Dami is about to find out.

Well, at the time I wrote the post, I had 6, maybe 7 weeks. Now I have like a month. My plan was to document the entire process, so people could watch me lose weight rather than wait till i’d lost it to ask me a bunch of questions.  I know a big part of me thought it was possible to achieve my weight loss goals In 6 weeks- I didn't admit that to myself but that's really what I thought. So anyway, I explained here why I was finding it super hard to post that.  After Folayemi of @eatdrinklagos published her food diary, I got super gingered and decided to start mine. The thing is, I want to do it daily as much as possible, so I'm going to post Monday now and then do it only one day behind, for greater accountability.  Please no one ask me how I intend to lose even a quarter of a pound eating the way I do- smh.

 

Monday

I start my day with a workout, new season of insecure, probiotics and water- so actually feeling pretty pumped!

9.30am coffee.JPG

 

 

9.26am-

 

 

 

I have a coffee buddy at work. Our common interest is not drinking shit coffee so we share coffees and creamers etc. Anyway, I use their new hazelnut coffee creamer, but forget that it's sugar free. I HATE sugar free anything, so it's gross but I drink it anyway.

 

 

10.31am-
I have a second cup of coffee- this time- packet cappucino. Much better. All this caffeine and no food is making me feel empty.

 

 

 

 

 

11.44am


with no food prospects in sight, I start eating this giant brownie I got from Hans & Rene the day before. When I buy junk food to have in the future, I question my decision making skills- why am I planning ahead to satisfy a future unwelcome craving?

 

Giant Cookie

1.16pm 

 

I have this giant cookie I also bought from hans and rene.

 

 

yikes!

Nutrients

2.27pm

 

I eat actual nutrients for the first time today. This is leftover from my meal prep last week. Brown basmati, shredded beef and vegetables in a tomato sauce and grilled broccoli.

 

 

4.03pm

I feel like I need to apologise to my body for all the sugar so I have a massive green tea.

hershey bars

4.15pm-

 

 

Literally haven't drank half of my green tea and someone comes round with free chocolate. People at work usually come back from trips abroad with free chocolate for everyone in the office. I eat one.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

6.05pm

Still at work. Eat the rest of the chocolate, except the GROSS milk chocolate, which tastes like actual vomit. If it was from Shoprite, I would be convinced it was fake or expired.

The one good thing from today is that I've had 4 litres of water, but obviously very little actual nutrition. 

*END OF DAY ONE*

 

 

 

On...Giving Your Thoughts Too Much Power

Lately, I've been scared of blogging- I've reached peak anxiety and I would draft a post/ many posts on google docs- on notes- on word- via email and it would be time to post and I would sign in to squarespace and then...just not be able to.  I'm not sure what's happening- or why it's happening, but it's a kind of paralysis that also spreads to other areas- where- I find myself unable to do the things I really want to do...it's hard to explain how you just start to do things and just...can't. 

Sometimes, I think we give our minds too much credit- kind of like, if we think it, it must be true- but minds are full of all sorts of untrue things- and sometimes, the only thing you can do is literally ignore your thoughts and feelings and just do what you set out to do regardless. 

Have you ever gotten on a plane and gotten convinced that everything that happened that day leading up to that plane journey was a bad sign? Like a friend texts you out of the blue- or you forgot your favourite shirt and you never forget your favourite shirt or that morning you woke up and felt too tired and considered moving your flight- so everything takes on this significance and you're convinced that it means something. Then you take off, land, get off and realise that your mind made the entire thing up. 

I feel like in Nigeria, it's easier to listen to your mind instead of just doing things, because when everyone is trying to tell you how best to live your life- your own mind is all you have. It's an extra delicate balance of using your mind to set goals and then ignoring it when you're trying to be consistent. 

Does any of this even make sense? 

Thoughts from Beauty and the Beast

1.

So picture this. You fall in love.  Yeah the person isn't your usual type but you've grown to love their eyes and the funny thing they do with their eyebrow and the familiar way their hand feels when you hold hands- or whatever- whatever reasons you have for falling in love with this "ugly" person are valid.  Now imagine you fall asleep next to the love of your life and when you wake up, they are an entirely different person- as in completely different- but objectively "not ugly", does that make you feel like "hmm thank God I don't have to be with the ugly love of my life anymore" - errr no- you're like WHO THE FLYING PHUCK ARE YOU? GET OUT OF MY BED.

So when Belle falls for the beast, errr...this prince is a different person yo. The beast was hench, all he had to do was do the Kanye work out plan and drop a few pounds! When he changed into a boring ass human, she "joked" about him growing a beard- come on Belle, you know you loved that hairy beast.

2.

If you get kidnapped, and a candlestick is nice enough to let you out of your cell, please return the favour and stay in your lane.  Don't go and start "exploring" the house- this isn't a rental viewing- don't go and try and touch cursed flowers that may keep people trapped forever- I mean, for goodness sake! It's because of this flower obsession, your father was kidnapped in the first place!

3.

So this chick Belle is telling her dad that she'll come for him and escape right? super noble and whatnot- cool. Next thing, she's taken out of the cell, given food and a bed, the whole princess treatment right? See- SHE EVEN LEFT THE CASTLE AND GUESS WHAT HER "KIDNAPPER" DID? HE SAVED HER LIFE.  Guess what she did? nursed him back to life and chilled in the castle, taking snowy walks and making jokes about cheesy books- only for him to ask if he has a chance with her and she says "can anyone be happy if they aren't free?" maybe not man, but you free Belle! You very free.  You guys was niggas in parising! GO AND SEE YOUR DAD! The guy that is so desperate to save you that people believe he's a crazy person. 

4.

That yellow dress she wore to her private dance with Beasty was supposed to be the highlight outfit, but like....it just didn't translate from cartoon to real life.

5.

Just as a final note- please, don't fall in love with beasts and try and bring out some deep inner spirit.  You might ruin yourself in the process (the same way Belle was already ruining herself and forgetting her dad for some library books).  Not even a beast with money okay? Not even a beast that's a prince.  

6.

If anything talks to you in someones house and you are in Nigeria, you are in the presence of witches and there is no such thing as a "good Nigerian witch" so be careful. 

7.

I think I've come to the end of my thoughts. 

Good Things Come in Pink Boxes or A Coco Ribbon Review

The first time I Stumbled across Coco Ribbon was on instagram on my friends feed. The second time was the very next day when my auntie texted me a picture of the box and asked if I had tasted it. I brought it up to my friend and she said it was set up by the brain behind Cupcake Cutie- one of the first cupcake brands in Abuja (one of the first? The first?) and that Coco Ribbon was a brand in Abuja before Lagos- for once! 

The time that made me order it though was someone's order arriving in the office- the box was so distinctive that I instantly went to the instagram and called. There was a bit of an awkward pause when I found out that the cheapest thing was a box of 6 for N4000, and N1,000 for delivery. “I’ll call you right back”, I stammered as I hung up. I really had no intention of calling back,  because 5k on a box of doughnuts was nat in my budget. 

My friend and I eventually decided to split a box, called and ordered all six flavours: salted caramel, nutella, vanilla cream (vanilla custard?), strawberry cream, raspberry jam and plain. Interesting fact, I asked to do a transfer and when the bank details were sent to me it said “Krispy Kreme Limited”, wonder what the story is there.

I was given a half hour delivery estimate, I got my box at closer to two hours, which was particularly painful because it meant hanging at work late when I did not have to. When the delivery guy walked in with the box, I forgave him and everyone because it was just so pretty and presenty. Very exciting! 

 

After a really stressful process of splitting all the doughnuts in half and realising there was no plain doughnut in the box (if you're going to replace something in my order, you should let me know), I took a bite of the vanilla cream doughnut. My mouth filled with delicious cream and I knew in that instant I would never order it again. And the problem (FOR ME) is, the doughnut. It was covered in granulated sugar (pet peeve, the texture is too much of a contrast for a cream filled doughnut), too oily, and just...you know ...like a doughnut. How do I explain this properly- It’s like if you google doughnut recipe, it’s like the doughnut you’d make from the first recipe that pops up. Very highly rated, but also very...boring? 

Really sad I forgot to take a proper picture, and now I kind of wish I took a picture of the inside of the doughnut

The fillings were very delicious. The vanilla cream and strawberry cream had a nice creamy texture that was not too runny; the salted caramel had a very good caramel mouthfeel, but I missed the saltiness, didn’t taste any; the nutella was soo delicious and the raspberry jam was the best of the lot- finally! Proper jam in a jam doughnut.

You can't beat the packaging for gifting this doughnut, it’ll make the cutest affordable gift! 
 

A Lesson in Vulnerability- Girls Season 6 episode 8

We start off with Adam rehearsing his speech to Hannah to Jessah

Adam rehearsing his speech to Hannah

“You’re not doing anything wrong”she tells him. L O L

I guess sometimes if you enter a relationship with technicalities, you can’t turn around and get angry for someone else relying on technicalities.

How is Hannah so pregnant? Is it the same method as making a bald head? Then again, that's the size of my stomach everyday after lunch

Pregnant Hannah

Adam find Hannah , delivers an abbrieviated version of the speech and they go back to her apartment

hannadam

Have awkward sex (is there any other kind) and then go shopping for baby things- Adam already has a list of DIY projects he need to do- everything is moving in a high speed hyper reality. The problem with hyper reality is that reality can temper it really quickly.

On the other hand, Ray is falling in love with someone that Shosh already described as “too much” (I’d argue that youre too much Shosh but whatever)- she's from Shosh's Japan past.

Ray and Japan girl

Jessah is spinning out as you do when the love of your life abruptyly leaves you for their ex with barely any warning

Jessah wilding out
the tears of the dumped

When did we start caring about Rays life? Why does he have a story arc? Why do we care what he does with his inheritance? Why do we want to see him falling in love?

who cares?

Also, its a really stupid question to ask if you would rather live in a beautiful building with a view of a dead building or a dead building with a view of a beautiful building- because all you're asking is would you rather live in a beautiful building or a dead building and hello?? Why do you want to live in a dead building for goodness sake?

When Adam left and went back home, that for me was the perfect metaphor for relationships. This guy really left the house to chase after love that morning- he had sex with someone else and spent the day planning their future and then he enjoyed that and came back home to his actual real life. Men do this shit ALL the damn time- why are the women always welcoming it with open arms- shit- I’ve had that exact Jessah moment- oh to be young and dumb and a ball of emotion

It actually feels like Hannah has her shit together the most, ya know?

Like seriosuly- do we care?

Like seriosuly- do we care?

 

 

 

I should have guessed from the name panache

...that this place wasn't going to bang. I mean what is Panache as a name for a restaurant? According to the first google search result, "Panache is a flamoyant confidence of style and manner" (also, I just checked and it was a yahoo search, awks) 

Anyhoo, yeah. I was in Abuja for a bit and wanted to go somewhere nice. After all my research, only two options kept resurfacing - Pow and Panache.  Pow is Japanese and someone said they cook with too much maggi so I chose panache because it's 'continental' (my word, not theirs)

Walked in and it was full of square tables with tablecloths. I kept trying to find a good angle to photograph the setting, but I couldn't find one (also, some man came up to ask why I was taking his picture- I wasn't but yeah)

At this point, I was still super excited. The menus were really gorgeous with pictures and they had the best dessert selection I've ever seen in Nigeria- AND.THEY.HAD.DUCK. Man I was ready to go in.

Ordered duck, my boyfriend (he asked me to put in this post that he's 6 5" and well built-he's not, but yah) ordered ribs, and we both ordered mojitos- which I always order because - easy to make right? wrong.

(thats my water served in a wine glass btw)

So we received this and I was like??? These mint leaves were obviously not muddled like they should have been. I'm paying way over the odds for this.  What? According to my boyfriend, it tasted like transparent cough syrup and you know what? It reeally did. 

The bread rolls had a very very very weird aftertaste-  Before that day, I'd never tasted a bread roll I didn't like- I usually inhale bread rolls like I need them for my lung function - I put this down after one bite  (also, I had the nagging feeling that the guy that accused me of taking his picture was trying to poison me.) I had to take a bite of my boyfriends roll just to be sure that they tasted the same- but then he would just poison us both, right?

My duck came. generous portion, in a wine jus AND honey roasted root vegetables (including beetroot, yuck). The duck was actually gorgeous, perfectly cooked and flavoured, so tender and lovingly made.

The dis-service was in the combination of the other things on the plate- my potatoes not dauphinoise enough and all the sauces being way too sweet and overwhelming. I asked for a new plate for my duck and ordered a garlic sauce. I can't even believe this happened, but my garlic sauce WAS BLAND. How is this even possible? I just gave up at this point and asked for the dessert menu. By this point, our waiter- Ekajo, who was the best part of the meal, was concerned about all the leftover food so,  he recommended that I get the fondant.  I wanted a more rounded dessert experience so I ordered a dessert duo instead.  The duo included his beloved fondant so it was cool.

*sigh*. The fondant was the best thing on the plate, it was good.  The white chocolate on the other hand,  tasted like- you know when you put something sweet in the freezer with fresh stew and leftover moi moi and it ends up with a weird freezer taste, thats how the white chocolate tasted.

In summary, I generally don't have the highest expectations for food in Nigeria, I eat out more for the ambience than anything, but I just couldn't believe this , man. 

And don't kill me, but I would still recommend it- stay with safe dishes, lower your expectations and just live. Order your water (which is served in a wine glass) , pretend you are drinking wine and just enjoy yourself. I mean, it's Abuja, where else are you going to go (this is a joke, don't give me a list).

 

 

Goal 1: Lose Weight

So.

How did we get here?

On my first day of uni, my microwave meal set off the fire alarm. It was a sunday morning and I lived in uni halls. When the alarm goes off, everyone has to stand outside till the firemen come. The firemen would walk through the crowd to the flat that set it off, shouting loudly on the way “who set this off?”. A sunday morning in uni halls means people sleeping off their hangovers. Standing outside on the lawn in various states of undress wasn’t really how people wanted to start their Sundays, and causing that wasn’t really how I wanted to start my uni life.

And that’s the story of how I came to exist on a diet of take-out, junk food and boxes of dry cereal in first year of uni (lol, jk, I just liked crap). It took one term to gain like 10-15kg and then a couple more months to gain the rest.

I was sick one weekend and by the time I re-surfaced, I kept hearing comments that i’d lost weight. So when I went home for some holiday, I started to eat three times a day. I would have the occasional ice lolly or apple and when I went back to uni, I had lost a couple of kg. I started cooking and making myself eat three meals a day. I didn’t count calories. Then I started taking a bus at 6am to meet up with two girls I barely knew to run for 12 minutes. When I started running properly later, it was kind of hilarious to me how little 12 minutes of running was. Then I started running on my own and increasing the distance and eventually I was doing 3 miles a day, everyday, rain, snow, shine.

The final piece of the weight loss puzzle came from a 10 day hospital stint for malaria- I think it was 10 days, but it was so long ago, I can’t remember for sure.

I maintained that weight for three years, and then I moved back to Nigeria. Mate, you know how they say pride comes before a fall? I would never ever ever ever have thought I'd be back here. Again.

I’ve had sooooo many false starts all rooted in doing the quickest thing- it wasn’t until I looked at my old tumblr that I realised that it took a long time the last time but I eventually got to my goal. If I had just chosen consistency, I might have been further along in my journey now.

This isn’t some call to action post- I’m not about to state all my weight loss goals and do weight check-ins. I mean, I might, who knows, but this isn’t what THIS  post is for.

This is just you know, a celebration of the second month of a new year, so goal 1- lose weight.


 

 

What I've Read So Far in 2017

When I set out to read 52 books this year, my main goal was to read all the books gatherng dust on my digital bookshelf and utilise my time more productively (I forgot how I get lost in books and forget to do other productive things)

I deleted the twitter app from my phone (somehow, twitter isn’t as fun when you use it on anything else) and got to it. I picked the books randomly, but when I started to write this post, I realised that, there was a thread that ran through the books- womens empowerment!

Book 1 was a wonderful memoir Paris Letters about a woman who quits her job in LA, goes on on European holiday and falls in love and starts a new life and business. It was a great way to start the year full of that kind of energy- a reminder that you have the power to change your life.

Book 2 was Love, Style, Life- Garance Dore’s book I bought years ago when it first came out and never got round to reading. It charted her journey from uni dropout to successful illustrator and blogger who moved across the world for love and pursuit of her dreams.

Book 3 was a book of short stories- Difficult Women- by Roxane Gay- what made me buy my “no buy” rule and buy it was this gorgeous short story

Book 4 was Lean In- which is one of those books people leave on their bookshelves forever and never read. I finally read it on a few journeys to and from work and loved it. It outlines biases that we all have and what to do to change them.

Book 5 was Sweet Revenge by Jane Fallon - I fell into an amazon binge a few nights ago after me and my cosuin reminisced about one of my favorite authors Sarra Manning and how she manages to turn stories from an underrated and often superficial genre into something complex and heartfelt. This book is about a woman who finds out her husband is having an affair and develops a revenge plot. (hmm, just occured to me that this isn’t the first time she’s writing a book about a husband cheating). It was a light easy read.

Please share what you’re reading with me in the comments or on twitter and instagram! (and please subscribe).

 

New Year, New Me (Or Nah)

I wanted the new year to be the magical elixir that completely transformed my life, but one day in and I can tell that it takes more than the calendar changing for everything about my life to change, aka, i'm still the same person, aka duh.

I don't know what I expected, but I’m borderline disappointed, at the genie that never waved his magic wand and at myself for not being prepared to work more on myself.

The truth is, there is nothing more addictive than a future version of yourself. Future version is shiny and fun, disciplined, focus, wise and rich, but the journey to get there is long and hard and deliberate. I’ve read about and talked to so many successful people and no matter how much of the narrative changes, the premise is still the same, deliberate focused work even at times when it seems like pure ‘luck’ (I won’t say no to a footballer gifting me a week’s earnings sha)

I remember when I was a lot younger and my aunt said you couldn't pay her to be young, because being young was fraught with uncertainty and you know, it's so true. The nature of uncertainty changes as you grow older, but fundamentally, being young is uncertain, because you actually have the power to determine your future and that’s a scary power to have. There are no rules to this thing, and even when steps look obvious, taking the steps is often a lesson in discipline and overcoming fear.

What career is right? what friends are right? When is the right time to leave? who is the right long term partner?

It’s even harder when you look on instagram and linkedin and twitter and everyone else but you is just strolling into fun opportunities that rake in loads of cash, while you wonder if your data plan is going to stretch beyond your light stalking.

How much is persistence and how much is flogging a dead horse?

I don’t know the answers to most of these questions. And maybe that’s the point. Maybe all you have to focus on is doing more than the best you can as much as you can, but first defining what that is. Maybe the answer is getting comfortable with the failure of not knowing and doing anyway.

Maybe the answer isn’t waiting for the new year to brush a magic wand over my life. Maybe the answer is taking more responsibility about how your life goes.

Maybe.

 

The Wedding Party Movie Review

*ALL THE IMAGES IN THIS POST ARE PROMOTIONAL MATERIALS FOR THE MOVIE. NONE OF THE PICTURES IS MINE*

If the advertising budget for the wedding party was anything to go by, a lot of effort went into this movie. I saw the trailer for this movie EVERYWHERE, by the time it came out, I was already thinking I have to see it. Rewind. Romantic comedies in all forms of entertainment are the baseline of what I like. I love love, sue me. I also LOVE seeing black people on tv. It’s the reason I’ve watched more than one Tyler Perry movie and relentlessly give all movies and tv shows with a black cast a fighting chance, including a lot of Nollywood stuff.

This movie is chuck full of popular romantic tropes and many Nigerian ones- reformed bad boy getting married to quintessential good girl. ‘Good girl” as defined by entertainment is usually a colourless one dimensional character that is extremely naïve- and to be fair, Adesuwa Etomi, as “bride’ fit that stereotype perfectly. She shows her friends her wedding lingerie- a pink and white polka dot tank top and shorts combo and I can’t help but roll my eyes.

There’s also the cold in-law, and Ireti Doyle, surprisingly, overdoes it completely, providing the contrast between the ‘high class family’ talking about taste and potato dauphinoise vs the “razz” family that is overly excited about amala and their daughter getting married.

The actual wedding was the greater part of the movie and it was a lit wedding. There were times when it literally felt like I was watching someone’s actual wedding video, take from that what you will.

But where the wedding party excelled was being a typical but relatable rom com. In place of the airport scene is a scene where bride is chased to her “favorite spot”, by a fire on the beach front. WHERE? All the things that make Nigerian weddings familiar were present and a little bit exaggerated- the over the top wedding planner, struggles of a guest list, stealing at weddings, the ridiculous prayers, the dance in, the “ex” coming to criticise and stir up drama, same as the side chick, families fighting and then reconciling, fighting over souvenirs. There was a lot to laugh about and there was a lot to relate to.

I have to shout out to the stellar performance by Sola Sobowale- she stole every scene she was in, glorious as an actress.

If this is the future of Nigerian romantic comedy, I’m pretty excited. And a last note of warning, don't watch it if you don't like rom-coms for goodness sake. You'll come out shouting that it's overrated and underwhelming and that's not the movies fault. 

 

 

Catch the Moments of Your Life. Catch Them When You're Young. (This is Us S01E08 Recap)

This season has been mad heavy for new shows and I've been scrambling trying to watch as many of them as possible to decide what the BEST ones are. 

 

We open with the boys playing- we all know by this point just how rare that is, with all their complicated emotions and memories. 

Kate is back at a meeting after falling into a bag of doughnuts at the end of the last episode.

And then she's at dinner with Toby, who is wolfing down pasta and has the bread basket next to him. Somehow he's managing to eat and drink everything at the same time and it is NOT cute. Kate's Salad looks especially tragic next to his pasta and I can imagine exactly how she feels. I like that the break up was nice and swift. 

I told you when I met you that I couldn’t fall for another fat person.
But you did, you did fall for me, so now what? You’re just going to throw me away?

I mean Kate just told you she cried herself to sleep after she binged on powdered doughnuts and you're thinking of how she's choosing her emotional well being over you? hmm. 

It's thanksgiving day and Randall is super excited. Of course he's cooking a hosting. Kevin has lured his co-star along by promising her that his family is super interesting because he has a black adopted brother and his mum his married to his dead dads best friend and did he say his twin was obese or did I just imagine that part? This babe is GORGEOUS! I mean the whole British people are dark and weird and cold is really over-played as foreigners always are in American TV. 

 

Kate is walking down the plane aisle and everyone is looking at her like "ill deck you if you sit next to me." I felt bad because I've definitely had that thought before. Imagine how awkward it feels for the fat person. Kate had bought two seats though, so her seat mate could like leave the attitude behind. She didn't, but she should have.

Co-star person wants to leave, all "I can't do this" and William talks to her about how dying feels and tells her to catch all the moments of her life while she's young and she runs back inside and kisses Kevin! Thanks William but yous about to get in trooouble!!

It doesn't look like that here, but it felt like the plane was about to crash (like I don't hate flying enough)- yeah so this 'near death' experience leads to Kate deciding to have weight loss surgery. Although no-one cared when she said it because Randall found out that... his mum has known about his bio dad for like ever! Trouuubleee.

Yeah- this episode was a bit bleh. I feel like they tried too hard to make us feel something, with the whole flashback to how they invented their traditions and Kevins new babe and I just really felt detached from it all. 

How about you guys, what did you think?

 

 

How Your Weekend is Ruining Your Christmas Body

For the past year, I'be been trying to lose weight. If I'm honest, I've been trying to lose weight for the past year and a half. I've juiced, jogged, starved, cut out whole food groups and all I've done is ruin my metabolism and increase my size. 

Finally, a million and one fitness groups later, I decided to take the sensible approach and work on diet and exercise (duh), making smarter food choices and trying to maintain a consistent workout schedule and most importantly, getting rid of my extremely accurate weight watchers scale. I've tried to log things in My Fitness Pal before (great app, but can't be arsed)- so I've turned to my regular pen and paper and that's working out a lot better. I also started insanity asylum, which I genuinely prefer to any other insanity workout I've done- so far, so good. So weekdays are great! Up at 5, work out, eat my breakfast, take my already meal prepped lunch to work, eat my healthy dinner and my healthy snack packs.

Friday night and it all goes to shit! I'm going to use this weekend as an example. On Friday, I had a great morning. I worked out, pushed myself to finish, packed one of my most filling breakfasts (sweet potato and scrambled eggs), ate at work, was so full, didn't have lunch (small boiled plantain and chicken) till much later. So far, so good. 

Left work to go to Hans & Rene after dark. Hmm. Started my night with a gelato cocktail (kiwi mojito, absolutely delicious). Didn't say no to the free food platter (mini sandwich, mini pizza, mini meat thingi), ate the thing. To go , I HAD to have the mojito gelato (it was cheaper than the cocktail AND had alcohol). I chalked this up to dinner and went home telling myself in the back of the uber that it was my 'cheat meal' for the week.

Nope.

On Saturday, I started well- had exactly one slice of yam and one egg after my ab workout. I was feeling righteous but also hungry. So I had a cashew snack pack. Still okay. Then I was really tired and had to go out so I had a cappucino with sugar and everything. Still not terrible. I skipped lunch and had two handfuls of seaweed peanuts instead. Cool cool cool. 9.30 pm and starving, I had a salmon salad with olive oil and balsamic dressing (heavy on the olive oil). If this is where I said goodnight and went to bed, the day might have been salvaged. "How about a nightcap?" Dami said to Dami. So I had six hob-nobs, and a giant horlicks (with a little sprinkle of hot chocolate to give it that kick). Sigh.

Sunday! I had given up the righteousness. Started my day with no workout and some leftover pasta with chicken. I guess the leftover wasn't leftover enough because I was still so hungry. So I repeated my horlickshobnobs combo. Had a nap. Went to GT fashion week, started off with a turkey and cheese croissant from Hans & Rene (these need to be permanent, soooo good) and sprite (because to be fair they weren't selling water.) Next step- the lounge. I had a platinum pass and I wasn't about to waste it. So two mojitos and a few small chops down, I went to watch the show. Came out of the show peckish (maybe seeing all the model bodies?) so I went back to the lounge for some chocolate cake (YUM-MAY) - tbh, it was average but it was free, so extra marks for freeness. Went outside to meet my friend who was buying a toastie and I thought - heh, why not? And throw in a cold fanta please?I don't even like fanta.

Went home and attempted my workout- gave up half way through and ate my toastie. Fell asleep with a what the hell question mark hanging over my head.

I woke up this morning and as I struggled through my workout, I thought? I can't wake up at 5 to workout, nearly die at different points throughout the workout only to throw away all of that work at the weekend.

That, my friends, is how I ruined a week of hard work in one weekend. 

Father Christmas and Other Lies your Nigerian Parent Never Bothered to Tell you

*yes all the images are mine- a monkey isn't fine but his mother likes him*

Father Christmas

What else did this guy do but scare children at parties and give bad gifts? He definitely didn't leave anything under any tree and the only way he could have come in the house was if he was a ghost and had magical powers to pass through the barred windows and sometimes doors and reinforced mosquito nets.

Tooth Fairy

Lol. I have a faint recollection of a small amount of money for one tooth one time but come on - no one bothered to keep up any fairy appearances - if you got money, fair enough - your parents were nice but you certainly knew where that money came from- them.

Sacrifice fairy

You know those cute pictures where the parents are doing all this struggling and suffering and their kids had no idea? niccuh you kneeew- you knew about those sacrifices yo and even some that were made before you existed.

 

Easter Bunny

Giiirl if you don’t git! Easter was about forehead ash, palm crosses and Jesus dying for our sins yo. Bunnies didn’t come into it- heck, chocolate didn’t even come into it. Occasionally, schools would try and be cool and all and make kids decorate eggs shells and churches would organise egg hunts but no one was believing in easter bunny.

Harry Potter

Hilarious how we heard tales by moonlight about turtles marrying princesses and outsmarting animals and kings, but harry potter? Hell no- not allowed. Magic was bad, not be be believed in or imagined, even slightly. Mate- parents didn’t even want to buy harry potter bedding or whatever- just no. and Harry Potter was one of the milder books on magic.

 

 

 

Why are you cheating on yourself?

When I first started being a runner, I had never run before for fitness. I used to wake up at 5.30 am everyday and take a bus so I could run with two other new runners for 12 minutes. It was easy to make this commitment because other people I didn’t know that well were involved and I didn’t want to be a flake or let anyone down.

When I started running more seriously by myself, I learnt that actually, the most important person to trust is yourself and being able to trust yourself is the same process as being able to trust anyone else. So I had been stuck on a longest run of 5 miles and I was sick of it. I wanted to be able to go and go and go and not break my speed either, so I decided to do a runkeeper training plan. The only thing with a training plan is that you can't wing it- you can't go around being tired or blaming rain or snow or whatever, you just had to go- so that’s what I did. I just went. When it rained, when it snowed, when it was high summer, when it was a frosty day. That diligence paid off and within weeks, I was able to do half marathon distance, something I had never achieved in the years I had been running before.


I thought of trusting yourself because I was looking through my posts at times where I’d committed to a series and failed after one or two posts- at the end of the day, maybe no one cares- I’m probably the only one that cares- but me caring IS the most important thing. If you don’t feel able to trust yourself, it affects your ability to follow through, to remain consistent, to grow as a person. You have to treat your word to yourself like your word to anyone else- it has to mean something.

Frank Ocean's Blond: A Review

Mate, Frank Ocean made us wait how long for this album? Come on! By the time it came out, people were expecting fairy dust and unicorn zoos. These things don't exist so it was clearly not going to happen but I think he came pretty close (tooth fairy level). 

I'm going to review with the help of my friends (whose permissions I did not obtain in advance)

01 Nikes

You start this thinking 'mate if this is what I'm looking forward to, it's sick!

02 Ivy

You know that song in the album you know that you're going to skip after the first few listens? This is it.


03 Pink + White

He said it best.


04 Be Yourself

One time I was listening to this album at 6am in the kitchen and my mum came and started talking to me and this came on and it just cast this nice holy veil on my head. Same thing happened with my friend, but with her driver.


05 Solo

"In hell, In hell, there's heaven" , theres context for this lyric but based on my social conditioning, I still feel guilty about it


08 Good Guy

This is one of my faves because it comes up at a point where I've stopped listening to the thing and my ears perk up again

09 Nights

I think this is the first easy fave - until pick + fucking above (please see above)


12 Facebook Story

LOL- this asshat with this French accent

Female perspective (right perspective)

male perspective (wrong perspective)

 

15 Siegfried

Love- this is actually one of the longer songs and after all the snippets almost, you just want that

17 Futura Free

Perfect End.

I love this album, thank you Frank.